The Holidays are about family and friends and being thankful and blah, blah, blah. What really gets lost in the shuffle is all the kick ass television–mostly sports related–that starts the week before Christmas and lasts well through New Year’s. It’s roughly twenty days of college football, college basketball, NFL, and NBA bliss.

So, with this article I’m attempting to make a convenient day by day guide of all the killer stuff you need to be watching during the holidays. This should prove to be a helpful resource when you’re too busy wrapping and unwrapping gifts, glad-handing the relatives, and sneaking beers without your super-conservative aunt noticing to actually research what’s on TV every day. Part 1 will get you through Christmas Day and then Part 2 will be up just in time to count down to New Year’s.

Side note: This should also make for a nice compliment to the gambling thesis Boothy (aka Tubbs) churned out a couple of days ago. Apparently he’s now accumulated enough hours for his doctorate from UNLV.

And here it is:

The NextRound Guide to Holiday Television

Note: The following guide highlights my opinion of the best of what’s out there over the holidays. All times are EST.

Thursday, December 21st

This is about the time relatives start rolling into town and your commitments to see and spend “quality time” with people start piling up. You’ll need some “me” time in front of the TV by the end of day one.

“The Office” is a rerun. So are the handful of other decent Thursday night shows. So I suggest the following dual tuner Tivo sports action accompanied with a cold beverage to get you through the initial holiday shock. (If you’re not familiar with dual tuner Tivo action, feel free to go visit catlovers.com or wherever else you usually hang out.)

8 PM ESPN - Las Vegas Bowl BYU v. Oregon

Should be a shootout as Booth pointed out by favoring the over.

Also, it will be fun to see what sort of retina-shocking uniforms the Nike design team comes up with for the Ducks on bowl night. It’s really only a matter of time before Oregon shows up wearing hyper color.

8 PM NFL Network Vikings at Packers

Not a desirable matchup by any means, and when you factor in the terrible play by play job you’ll get from Bryant Gumbel and all the nauseating Bret Favre talk, you can see why I’m advising dual tuner action.

But an NFL night game is an NFL night game and that’s about that. Who are you to say no?

Interesting Side Note: Has anyone else noticed the NFL Network has decided to revert to guerilla warfare in their ongoing battle with cable providers? Now they’re taking out print ads to inform fans to blame their cable company if they can’t watch their team play on the Thursday night NFL game. The NFL Network has even gone far enough to gobble up a few bowl games just to ignite concentrated groups of college fans. I’m impressed.

9 PM ESPN2 - College Basketball: Duke at Gonzaga

About an hour into the NFL game, you probably won’t be able to take any more of Gumbel (nothing against you personally Bryant, but they might as well have asked Kelsey Grammar to call these Thursday night games), so I suggest flipping over to watch a subpar Duke team take on a schizophrenic Gonzaga team in what should be an interesting one.

Friday, December 22nd

You really shouldn’t plan on watching TV this Friday night. I mean, a) it’s Friday night, get a life, and b) the TV lineup sucks balls (not even a decent flick on the premium channels). I suggest an early happy hour–since you’re probably either off work or get out early the Friday before Christmas–followed up by either a Holiday party with friends or a Santa pub crawl with friends. Really, anything with friends will do.

But, I guess, if you still live in your parents’ basement and have had your fill of D&D for the week, and you’re asking me what I’d suggest on television, here it is:

8 PM ESPN - NBA Houston at San Antonio

The NBA could be a lot worse than a little Yao v. Duncan action.

But still, this game is best suited for the background of a bar or holiday party.

And feel free to watch the New Orleans Bowl featuring Rice v. Troy if you have a diploma from either of those schools. If you don’t have a diploma from either and you still want to spend your Friday night watching that game, I think you can feel free to go ahead and chalk up New Year’s Eve as open in your calendar as well.

Saturday, December 23rd

If you want to make a full day of it, I’d suggest a bloody and the Texas-Tennessee basketball game tipping off at noon on ESPN along with an import and the PapaJohns.com Bowl on ESPN2 at 1 PM, but the day’s television doesn’t really hit its stride until 4 PM:

4 PM CBS - College Basketball Ohio State at Florida

Just a terrific matchup between the defending champs and a team with so much young talent watching them play can reinvigorate your love for basketball.

Ask anyone who saw the North Carolina-Ohio State game a few weeks ago, this Ohio State team takes college basketball on television to a whole new fun level.

One More Side Note: Does anyone else think Greg Oden could pass for Lebron James’s ancient ancestor? If you had no idea who Greg Oden was and I walked up to you on the street with a picture of Oden and said this is Lebron’s grandfather, would you have any reason to argue otherwise?

4:30 PM ESPN - New Mexico Bowl New Mexico v. San Jose State

Classic under the radar casual gambling game, perfect for laying down a manageable wager and paying half attention to the action. Just a little added excitement to your Saturday afternoon/evening.

I also must say that I agree with Boothy’s assessment of this game in yesterday’s treatise.

8 PM ESPN - Armed Forces Bowl Tulsa v. Utah

I’m including this one solely for gaming purposes as I like Utah to cover the 1.5.

8 PM NFL Network Kansas City v. Oakland

I’d really only advise catching this if Larry Johnson has serious fantasy football implications for you, otherwise, spend some time with the family. You’ll need to build up some goodwill for tomorrow.

Sunday, December 24th

Today is when the holidays start to come together. There’s something magical about NFL Sunday and Christmas Eve aligning on the same day, like a once every seven year solar eclipse, except with playoff aspirations and fantasy championships on the line.

Hopefully you’ll be wherever your supposed to be for the holidays by the 24th and you and the loved ones can veg out together with a little eggnog and pigskin.

With multiple games taking place at once I’m just going to highlight the top two games for each time slot. If you don’t have the Sunday Ticket and are somehow stuck with only Tampa Bay/Cleveland, I suggest you try to eat yourself into a coma.

1 PM CBS - NFL New England at Jacksonville

I was tempted to go Baltimore at Pittsburgh here, but went with the NE/Jax matchup because the Jaguars’ playoff hopes are pretty healthy if they win this game, I like the first year running back matchups, I really can’t ever stomach watching Roethlisberger, and it only seems appropriate everyone’s favorite All-American, TB, should be spotlighted on Christmas Eve.

Side Note: Does anyone else have an issue with Roethlisberger? Is it just me? I don’t even think it’s him I have an issue with as much as his genetics. I mean the guy’s just a big time meat head and the media likes to showcase him as this sophisticated, mult-layered figure. I can’t handle it.

1 PM FOX - NFL New Orleans at NY Giants

The whole nation’s going to get this game since Fox is intent on making all 300 million of us Giants fans. Does the Fox pregame team just consider themselves Jersey residents after the number of trips they’ve made to the Meadowlands this season? Are they all suddenly infatuated with hair gel and skeeball?

But seriously, who the eff is Drew Brees? He’s one of those guys I consistently give no credit to and he consistently proves me wrong. He reminds me of that kind of goofy looking buddy of yours in college that hooked up twice as much as you and you just couldn’t figure out what he had going that you didn’t. I mean really, Drew Brees? Whatever, I’m on the bandwagon.

This game also features # 25, the lovable NFC South Champ Saints playing for a first round bye, and the Giants attempting to forrest gump their way into the playoffs with Eli Manning doing his best Spicoli impersonation behind center. Why not watch?

4 PM CBS - NFL San Diego at Seattle

We can all watch Seattle become the first team in NFL history to win their division while overtly trying to tank their season. I’m really not sure if their goal is to win games or not.

Also, it will be fun to see if Shaun Alexander can even make eye contact with LT now that it’s apparent that they aren’t even in the same stratosphere.

4 PM CBS - NFL Cincinnati at Denver

With no Sunday Ticket, you may get this game instead of Chargers/Seahawks, but the two games are even on my watchability gun anyway.

Side Note: Jay Cutler has a cannon. He may only uncork it once or twice a game, but be there to see it. No wonder Shanahan couldn’t stick with Jake Plummer after seeing what Cutler is capable of. It would have been like declining a date with a supermodel to remain faithful to a semi-serious girlfriend who’s been in a coma for the last three years.

8 PM ESPN - Hawaii Bowl Arizona State v. Hawaii

I’m sure you may have some “minor” obligations Christmas Eve night, but make some time to take in some of this barn burner. The Rainbow Warriors (they’ll always be The Rainbow Warriors to me) are just awesome to watch. Colt B slings it around with the best of them. This one should be all offense.

8 PM TBS A Christmas Story

You probably didn’t see this coming, but I think everyone should be required to watch this movie at least once during the holidays. It’s pure comedy. Lot of subtle nuances. The 24 hour marathon starts here, so you don’t have to commit right away.

Flick and the bully crack me up.

Monday, December 25th

Christmas morning euphoria rocks for about three to four hours, but you can only marvel at your cool new stuff and calculate which gifts you can return for cash for so long. By the time afternoon hits, you’re in need of a dose of the outer world. Here’s what I recommend:

2:30 PM ABC - NBA LA Lakers at Miami

Alright, Mr. Stern, you got me. You’ve won. You’ve deluded me into believing this game is some sort of must-see event, and I can only believe I feel this way because I’m a sucker for your marketing. Because I’m not sure I care about this game. And I’m not sure I like the NBA. And I’m not sure I think a basketball game correlates to a Christmas tradition. And I’m not even sure I believe these two teams dislike one another enough to be considered a rivalry. But I’ll be watching. So I applaud you.

5 PM NBC - NBA Eagles at Cowboys

This is a no brainer. This game will pretty much decide the NFC East and do a lot for the NFC playoff picture. You throw in the T.O. drama and the Jeff Garcia revival (a la the Patrick Dempsey revival, another article in itself) and this is the big Christmas day event. To top it off, John and Al and the Sunday Night crew will be handling the responsibilities for this Monday affair.

Long Frustrated Side Note: Who the hell is responsible for signing Pink to be the musical intro to Sunday Night Football? This is just about the worst of the terrible sports/entertainment synergies I’ve witnessed in my lifetime. “Kazaam” starring Shaquille O’Neal is bearable compared to this. This had to be the decision of some 45 year old suit-wearing wannabe hipster at NBC who thought the network would gain an edge by signing an “outrageous” pop star to do the Football intro. “She’s huge with our demo.” I can hear it now. Do networks not have committees that have to sign off on these sorts of moves? Did “taking the pulse of our audience” ever come up in one of their meetings? Why don’t we see if James Taylor is free to do the intro to the next season of “Laguna Beach” while we’re at it? Horrendous.

Part Two of the Guide to Holiday Television will be here Christmas Day.

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