Click here for Part I.

Well, we’ve got you through Christmas day. It’s all downhill from here. You can start relaxing as relatives start dwindling back to wherever they came from. You’ve wiped your hands of the mall and its inhabitants for another year. You’re well aware of how bad you screwed up the gift for the little lady.

Side Note: In my experience, how well you did on the girlfriend’s Christmas gift can be measured on a 1 to 10 scale: 1 being cataclysmic (meaning she slashes your tires, empties your bank account, and sleeps with your archenemy) and 10 being she found your gift acceptable. I strive to stay in the 7 range. Sticking around 7 keeps your archenemy out of the picture and the bar for future gift giving at a reasonable level.

Now it’s time to sit back, enjoy not working (whether you’re technically working or not), and breeze through the week’s worth of TV goodies. New Year’s is just around the corner. Here it is:

The NextRound Guide to Holiday Television Part II…The Sequel

Note: The following guide highlights my opinion of the best of what’s out there over the holidays. All times are EST.

Tuesday, December 26th

Asking the 26th to be eventful and exciting is kind of like asking Nickelback to follow U2 on stage in concert. They’re destined to disappoint and so is the 26th. In fact, the lineup is so crappy, I’m not even going to provide a breakdown. The following are notable: “Wedding Crashers,” Cinemax, 4 PM; Motor City Bowl, ESPN 7:30 PM; and a 2 hour “Scrubs” mini-marathon on Comedy Central starting at 7 PM (the first season, which is the really clever season). Besides that, why don’t you pick up your house and see if you can get a game of pick up basketball going to work off some of that holiday weight.

Wednesday, December 27th

8 PM ESPN -Emerald Bowl Florida State v. UCLA

First of all, Florida State relegated to the ACC dregs is hilarious in itself. But then you factor in that the Noles are most likely going to lose this game, it gets even better. I have several Florida State friends and let’s just say watching the entitled have to deal with a season like this is a Christmas present all its own.

Outside of that, this is a pretty interesting ACC/Pac-10 matchup you don’t see often. Will be fun to see how FSU’s talent stacks up against a UCLA team with home field advantage and momentum they’re still carrying from USC win. The Noles are really in a no win here. The team should at least get to visit Alcatraz.

9 PM HBO Signature “A History of Violence” 

I’m not saying you have to watch this movie on the 27th, but if you haven’t seen it, go rent it. Really interesting. Unless you’re one of those people who can’t handle methodical plot building, then stay away. But when Viggo goes nuts and just starts running through…well, I’ll let you watch for yourself.

Thursday, December 28th

Thursday comes strong to make up for the Christmas hangover on Tuesday and Wednesday. Today is when the bowls really get a head of steam.

4:30 PM ESPN - Independence Bowl Oklahoma State v. Alabama 

Speaking of an entitled fan base getting a dose of humility, watching Bama get continuously spurned by elite coaches due primarily–in my opinion–to the their obnoxious and overzealous fan base has been the gift that keeps on giving this season. I’m seriously considering searching out the Alabama alumni bar near me for this game so I can soak in the collective nausea when ESPN inevitably runs the “Coaches Who Passed on This Prestigous Job” timeline graphic somewhere in the first half. 

Should be interesting to see if the Tide show up against a mediocre Cowboys team.

8 PM ESPN - Holiday Bowl Texas A&M v. Cal

I’m intrigued at the idea of a decent Aggies’ squad taking on a schizophrenic Bears team. I always watch these games to scrutinize Pac-10 squads when they’re playing out of conference. No game ever really changes my reverse national respect theory on the Pac-10: that they’re nationally overrated due to their own bitching that they’re the underrated victim of East Coast bias. But I still go into games like this thinking there may be some magical moment where I say to myself, “S—, the west coast is for real.”

Side Note: The cheers the A&M “all male” cheerleading squad does are creepy. I don’t care if it is tradition. It’s creepy. That’s all.

8 PM NFL Network - Texas Bowl Rutgers v. Kansas State 

Another ingenious example of the NFL Network sticking it to major cable providers who won’t carry their product. I bet the NFL Network is beyond stoked that Rutgers landed in this game. Now they can incite a newly developed–dare I say–overtly nasty Jersey fan base to start calling up Comcast and Time Warner and bitching that “the effing Knights game isn’t effing on.” Good stuff.

8 PM TNT - NBA Phoenix at Dallas

This will require some serious remote dexterity, but I think it’s worth it to go back and forth between all these 8 PM games (unless you don’t get the NFL Network and then you only have to worry about two). Suns/Mavs games never disappoint, especially with both having really strong starts so far. You know you’re guaranteed a fast paced game with two foreign white guys and a dorky billionaire who could pass for unemployed brother in law as the primary focal points.

10 PM TNT - NBA Seattle at Denver

This game would have not normally made the list, but I am definitely excited to see Iverson’s first national TV appearance playing for the Nuggets. You add in Barkley’s commentary and the insane Carmelo/George Carl drama, and I’m in.

Friday, December 29th

If you’re supposed to work today, just don’t bother going back in after lunch. If you have one of those jobs you can’t just blow off on a Friday afternoon (i.e. air traffic controller), I suggest a few of the following: fake a car accident (not your fault, hit by illegal alien who doesn’t have insurance); violently ill after lunch (authentic Korean was a bad lunch choice); or have one of your buddies call you and fake a family emergency (if anyone asks you about it next week tell them it’s personal and you really don’t want to get into it with someone you don’t know that well). Bowls hit you from all angles today. Stay alert.

12 PM ESPN Bowl Breakdown Special 

Should prime you for the serious bowl action taking place over the next few days, catch you up on anything you’ve missed, and update you on any injuries/academic issues that might affect the wagering you were thinking of doing. · Side Note: Be prepared to walk away from this show wishing you had back the time in your life when Lou Holtz was talking. I really never thought I’d miss Trev Alberts, let alone miss him this much.

1 PM ESPN - Music City Bowl Clemson v. Kentucky 

James Davis and CJ Spiller make for the most exciting running back tandem in the nation. Couple that with Kentucky’s underrated QB Andre Woodson and Clemson’s defensive struggles of late and this should be a really fun game to watch.

2 PM ESPN - Sun Bowl Oregon State v. Missouri

Hopefully this game can make it a double header of shootouts. Tubbs likes the over in both these games and I’d have to say there’s nothing more fun than ditching work on a Friday afternoon and pulling for the points.

4 PM ESPN - Liberty Bowl South Carolina v. Houston

I have no opinion on how this game will turn out since your pitting a great game day coach v. a mid-major school that likes to fling it around. You can definitely bank on a lot of “Spurrier is god, Spurrier for president,” Ra, Ra crap from the ESPN announcers handling this one.

7:30 PM NFL Network - Texas Tech v. Minnesota 

Another victory for the boys at the NFL Network. Lots of O.

8 PM ESPN - Champs Sports Bowl Purdue v. Maryland 

Couple of kind of blah teams in a bit of a blah bowl game. It’s Friday night, so just plan to keep this one in the background of whatever it is you have better to do.

Saturday, December 30th

Three bowls and one NFL game today. Only two bowls are really relevant. BC is going to beat up on Navy in the Car Bowl (ESPN, 1 PM) and if you really want to watch, go for it.

4:30 PM ESPN - Alamo Bowl Texas v. Iowa 

Two teams that were supposed to be better than this taking out their frustrations on each other. Kind of reminds you of watching the trailer for “Night at the Museum.”

8 PM ESPN - Chick-fil-A Bowl Georgia v. Virginia Tech 

Remember when this used to be the Peach Bowl? Kind of B.S. if you ask me. 

I really like this matchup. Both teams are young and well coached. I would say it would almost be a home game for Georgia, but Virginia Tech travels really, really well. I like Booth’s analysis on this one and think VT covers the three. They sputtered early this season, but realized who they were by the end. If given to a popular vote, VT wins “best team in the ACC.” And Georgia has no answer at QB for the pressure VT will bring.

8 PM NFL Network - NY Giants at Washington 

It’s “Just Win, Baby” time for the Giants and their playoff hopes. And since the Giants seem to be on a mission from God to toy with the emotions of every single one of their fans, I imagine the Skins will either return a fumble in the waning seconds to win or the G-Men will just completely crap the bed allowing for five different teams to go into Sunday’s games brimming with hope for the final NFC wildcard spot. 

I mean, think about the Giants for a second. Have you ever seen a team’s season ebb and flow like this COMBINED with all the background drama? So, it is almost written in stone that the Giants would end up in a spot where all they need to do is put down a sub par divisional rival to clinch a playoff birth, and then, in typical gut wrenching Giants fashion, they’ll lay a ginormous egg in Washington. Mark it down.

Sunday, December 31st  

Well, wouldn’t you know it. Math has once again proven itself useful. Apparently if Christmas Eve aligns with NFL Sunday that automatically means New Year’s Eve will align with NFL Sunday. Sometimes realizations like these can be staggering. There are so many different playoff scenarios that could play out today, it would be a waste of your and my ridiculously valuable time for me to break them down here. Instead, I suggest checking out ESPN’s playoff scenarios to get your head around what could happen.

So many games have implications today, it’s tough for me to pick just a few. And depending on who you’re a fan of, it really varies on who you want to watch. So I’m just going to hit on what you need to keep in mind for each network during each time slot. There’s a good chance in addition to routing for your team to win, you will need to stare at the ticker and pull against the Chiefs and Titans or something along those lines.

1 PM FOX - NFL NFC Games 

Essentially, for any of these 1 PM games to be really meaningful, the Giants need to lose. If that happens, the Panthers and the Rams have a hell of a lot to play for.

1 PM CBS - NFL AFC Games 

The Jets, Bengals, Titans, and Chiefs are all playing for their playoff lives. The inter-workings of how these games all affect each other kind of resembles a Derek Jeter personal life flow chart: its confusing and will only piss you off if you try to understand it. 

4 PM FOX - NFL NFC Games

The Philly/Atlanta has the most serious implications depending on how the earlier games play out.

4 PM CBS - NFL AFC Games 

Indy and Baltimore playing in separate games but essentially battling each other for the first round bye. Tonight you can choose between Miami on the blue field in Boise (MPC Computers Bowl, ESPN 8 PM) or Green Bay/Chicago (NBC 8:30 PM) in a game that if the Giants win on Saturday may only be significant if John Madden finally offers Bret Favre a reach around on live national television. I suggest you try to find something a little more exciting for New Years Eve.

Monday, January 1st

Wow. ‘07 is here. We officially live in the future…2007, huh? Where are the flying cars, that’s my question? At least we have six, count ‘em, six really good bowl games to welcome us to the New Year. The Outback Bowl kicks off at 11 AM, so you have just enough time to get that mediocre looking chick you settled for after the two hot chicks blew you off back to her place and get over to your buddy’s before all the prime couch spots are taken.

11 AM ESPN - Outback Bowl Tennessee v. Penn State 

Start your new year off with a Halloween matchup between the Great Pumpkin and Grandpa from “The Munsters.”

11:30 AM FOX - Cotton Bowl Auburn v. Nebraska

Is Auburn good? Is Nebraska good? I find myself asking the same question every time I see these two teams. We’ll see today I guess.

1 PM CBS - Gator Bowl West Virginia v. Georgia Tech 

The Mountaineers–Slaton and Hill, always fun to watch–should handle the Yellow Jackets in this one primarily because GT just won’t be able to match firepower. That is unless Reggie Ball asked for the gift of accuracy for Christmas and then maybe Calvin Johnson will have something to say about it. Probably not, though. We’ll see you on Sundays, CJ.

1 PM ABC - Capital One Arkansas v. Wisconsin 

Darren McFadden is one of those guys you feel like you’ll remember watching forty years down the line. I can picture myself in 2047 saying to my grandkids something along the lines of, “You don’t even no what a real football player looks like. Now Darren McFadden, he was a football player. He lined up at tailback, quarterback, place kicker, whatever the coaches asked. Players these days don’t even compare…”

5 PM ABC - Rose One USC v. Michigan 

You should be watching this game regardless of what I have to say about it.

8 PM FOX - Fiesta Bowl Oklahoma v. Boise State 

It looks like we may have an Adrian Peterson sighting and that means bad things for Boise State who I fully anticipate seeing get throttled in this game. I’m really begging for this to be one of those games that we can put another bullet in our gun against small league schools getting BCS births. We’ll see… So I’ve gotten you through New Years and now you’re on your own for the remaining BCS games and the NFL playoffs. You’ve trained hard and I have full faith in you. Be careful out there. 

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