Happily Hungover: What Other People Think and Why What I Think is Better
January 21st, 2007 by Booth
College football fans think that college football needs to get rid of the BCS and implement a playoff system.
I think all college football needs is Vince McMahon.
It dawned on me during the second quarter of the National Championship game that the only interesting conclusion to the Gators rout over the Buckeyes would be a WrestleMania-esque type challenge.
Imagine This:
- The Gators celebrating their “national championship” (term used loosely).
- Stadium lights cut off.
- A spotlight roams the stadium and lands in the Gators’ end zone: the entire Boise State football team (in full pads) standing with their arms crossed.
- Jared Zabransky snatches a microphone from Jimmy Johnson and declares that Boise State is the real national champs and calls out Chris Leak and the Florida Gators for being “too chicken” to give Boise a shot at the title.
- Leak responds “Anytime, anywhere.”
- Meanwhile in the background, the WWE announcers provide continuous, high pitch squealing: “Oh My God!,” “Son of a bitch!”, “Can you believe this?”
- The King just can’t believe it.
Finally, McMahon gets on the mic and proclaims: “There you have it, right here, next week on RAW, for the heavyweight championship…OH WAIT, I mean national championship: the Florida Gators v. the Boise State Broncos. No holds barred, steel cage, barbwire match.”
Colin Cowherd, ESPN radio host, thinks Tom Brady is the 3rd greatest QB ever behind Joe Montana and Johnny Unitas.
I think that these debates suck because I can never find acceptable criteria by which to define the “greatness” of a QB. But then I heard this call into ESPN radio:
Cowherd: “You’re in the Herd with Colin Cowherd”
Caller: “Yeah Colin, QBs are like Bikinis: what they show is important, but what’s underneath is vital.”
Cowherd: “Fascinating.”
CLICK.
Cowherd: “Henry David Thoreau on line 2, what an idiot.”
HUH? What the hell does the bikini comment even mean? I think you have to be one of the stupidest human beings on the planet to call a nationally syndicated sports talk radio show and make that analogy.
On the other hand, the dumbass helped prove my point. The “Best QB of all time” debate should be outlawed. I recommend you and your buddies completely ban the conversation. If you want to debate sports with your friends, talk about something important, talk about which team will cover the spread.
David Stern thinks that the NBA is making a comeback because of players like Lebron James and Dwayne Wade.
I think that the NBA is awesome because you get quotes like this:
Caron Butler: “My most memorable Christmas memory was having all of my uncles and aunties out of prison for one Christmas, and that includes me. We had a lot of run-ins with the law, and to have us all out at one time was great.”
Seriously, this guy is my new favorite player.
My ex-girlfriend thinks I should get a job.
I think that my last two phone conversations with her might help her realize why we she is my ex-girlfriend.
1st Call:
Her: “You need to get a job.”
Me: “Why?”
Her: “Because you don’t need to sit around all day doing nothing.”
Me: “That’s cool. Look, I’m really busy right now I’m going to have to call you later.”
CLICK. (Me hanging up)
2nd Call (After I emailed her about the NextRound.net launch):
Her: “I am so proud of you. You are actually trying to do something with your life besides gamble.”
Me: “Whoa, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.”
Her: “My only issue with the site is that it is a little chauvinistic.”
Me: “Really, what tipped you off? When we said we thought that Britney Spears would inevitably get chewed up and spit out the bottom of the porn industry, or when we said we would like to be the ones to “extinguish” Tara Reid during her comeback attempt…”
CLICK. (Her hanging up)
Me: “Wait, I didn’t even get to tell you about our new article that argues for a maximum age limit to be placed on handjobs.”
My buddy thinks that the name DudeAlert.com insinuates that this site will contain homosexual male pornography.
I think his name suggestion, “The Gentlemen’s Corner,” makes us sound like we’re the guy behind the counter at the porn shop who is a little too willing to provide recommendations to other dudes that stroll in.
I think the name DudeAlert.com is funny, a little ironic, and provides a good filter to keep people that we are pretty sure suck off the site. But if you don’t like the name, you can email me your reason why and what you think the name should be. If your email is funny or original enough, it will show up in one of our future rants.
Side Note: I’ll also accept emails from people just simply making fun of me or the site. If those are funny or original, I’ll post those in an article as well.
Maske thinks that Irish Car Bombs and Jager Bombs are different terrorist techniques.
I think…I think we all know what I think.
Booth is the Marketing Director for NextRound.net. He also likes to think of himself as a part-time attorney. Email him at abooth@NextRound.net with your questions or comments.
