The team used to have a serious issue with Leonardo DiCaprio. We figured it was just a direct result of “Titanic’s” suckiness. But just recently we saw “The Departed,” and all of a sudden, Leo seemed like an OK dude.

Then, after the AFC championship, we found ourselves a little pissed at Tom Brady, Mr. Hetero Man Crush himself.

And all of a sudden it hit us: we hate anyone who gets to bone Gisele Bundchen.

Dammit, it’s not even fair that someone is allowed to be Tom Brady, let alone trade fluids with Gisele. God, we would pulverize her.

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