Friends, a sad time is soon to be upon us. A time where the girl of our dreams, Tara Conner, is no longer reigning Miss USA.

With this news we’re seriously considering bagging the website. Slutty Miss USA jokes were pretty much half of our material. If Tara Conner drifts outside of the nation’s collective consciousness there are going to be a lot of ‘who farted?’ faces made by people reading our punchlines.

Alas, our best option is probably to pray for Tara to migrate into softcore porn in the time between her fifteen minutes ending and that Miss USA figure wearing down (fingers crossed for hardcore) .

Worst-case scenario: she writes a book that makes her plenty of dough and creates enough momentum for her career that she lands some gig as the intro girl on a cable sports show. This scenario would most likely get her through her hot years without her having to take her clothes off for money. We think everyone can agree that would suck.

Of course, best case scenario: she plunges right off the wagon and happens to run into one of the Vivid Video execs (you know, those guys you see on the Jenna Jameson True Hollywood Story referring to the hookers as actresses) at some seedy coke bar/night club in Vegas right after she’s blown through all the cash she made selling her story to gossip mags.

Best of luck, Slutty Miss USA. We’re rooting for you.

People.com - Tara Conner Prepares to Surrender Crown

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