Hump Day: Jessica Biel
May 30th, 2007 by NextRound

Team Cool & Tough has discussed the matter relentlessly and have come to the unanimous decision that the world is going to become even more familiar with Jessica Biel over the next few months. She’s primed for ascension into household name territory.
First, from everything we’ve gathered, looks like she’s definitely boning dating Justin Timberlake (a.k.a. that dude best known for playing second fiddle to guys’ guy Lance Bass most of his career).
Next, she’s starring in what is most likely going to be a bad new movie with Adam Sandler and Kevin James, although we will admit this movie has some potential to surprise us and be decent (Kevin James is fat and fat people are funny). Either way, it’s going to print money and a shitload of people are going to see it, broadening her exposure.
And finally–and most importantly–she seems to have laid off the andro and let herself buff down from what she bulked herself up to a few months back (this may have been for some crappy action flick that no one saw, but either way was unacceptable).
Moral of the story: be prepared for Biel to make her play at world domination, especially now that she’s toned down the She-Hulk routine and is looking like the uber-pretty lady we always knew she could. (A serious note to all the lovely ladies out there: neither the ripped up or super skinny looks so many of you are going for are getting it done. So let’s all calm it down a notch and get back to our regular selves. We’ve had to decline wayyyy to many invitations to eager females lately because they’ve either had more tricep definition than us or we were more interested in buying them a milkshake.)
Oh, and one last thing about Biel and JT. We can’t decide if Timberlake is some fairy no-nuts searching out a life partner or is super cool and has devised an ingenious plan to run through as much hot young actress ass as physically possible while he’s in his prime. Think about it, on one hand he dated Cameron Diaz (who’s old and kind of looks like a hooker) for entirely too long, yet lately he’s been tied to both Biel and Scarlett Johansson. It’s a real brain teaser.
Dammit! We promised ourselves we wouldn’t let this turn into a Timberlake post. Our apologies.















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