It’s official. DUIs are finally rivaling Cancer and AIDS as the most devastating, unavoidable travesties to rock our modern society. We motion we all band together and start wearing a ribbon or something to show our solidarity against this senseless plague that is robbing us of some our best and brightest. Because things are not getting better, they’re getting far worse.

It’s time we all opened our eyes to the damage DUIs are doing to our country. In the span of the last six months, charitable, selfless, honest people the likes of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Tony Larussa, Ty Pennington, Jerry Buss, USC Safety Josh Pinkard, Eve, Tracy Morgan, Nicole Richie, and even part-time apostle Mel Gibson have all had their lives ravaged by the cruel beast that is DUI. It’s like a mini Katrina, only worse, as it’s pinpointing only the truly contributory people in our society as it’s victims. Where’s the outrage?

It’s not like these people are super rich and have any viable option to pursue other than get behind the wheel of their cars. They can’t afford drivers, let alone shell out twenty bucks for a cab and then talk a friend into driving them to pick up their car the next morning like you and I do. It’s not an option.

Here in Atlanta we’ve even discovered a service where you pay thirty bucks for some D&D playing loser to drive his scooter to your car, fold that bitch up in your trunk, and drive your car home for you. The victims mentioned above do not have these luxuries. LA’s a different place, a place without options. Think America’s version of war torn Eastern Europe, except replace poverty and fascism with over priced tapas and breast augmentation.

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