So apparently all this stuff we’ve been hearing about how David Chase was going use the final episodes of “The Sopranos” to hammer home one last time that Tony is not a likeable or sympathetic character and should die an ugly, justifiable death was just a lot of baseless web speculation. Hard to believe. That is unless you consider coddling your whiny fuck up of a son for the remainder of your life an ugly, justifiable death. Then the speculation was right on.

For the finale, “The Sopranos” blindsided us with their old trick of being relatively uneventful at a time when the audience expects things MUST be eventful. This has been one of the most polarizing, debated aspects of the show since its inception, so we’re not sure why we didn’t see it coming, except for the fact that we’re not all that intelligent or insightful. But it was the SERIES FINALE. We dare anyone to claim they saw it coming.

The lack of resolution suits the show, though. Chase and the rest of the creators giving one final “suck it” to modern storytelling conventions. Everything being wrapped up with a neat bow at the end would have been a disservice. The biggest shock is probably that the finale opened up more questions than it answered. Not sure there are many other shows that could pull this off.

Sure, Phil’s dead. A killer scene. If only they’d let him tell someone to, “go home and get their fucking shinebox” one last time before the SUV tire exploded his head like a watermelon. And yeah, looks like Tony’s immediate family isn’t in complete disarray, and looks like the New Jersey and New York families are copacetic again, but think about the number of questions that were left unanswered. Think about the loose ends.

• Will Tony be indicted?
• Will Silvio live?
• Did Carlo turns state’s evidence or was it actually Pauly, who looked particularly squirrelly in the finale, that turned snitch?
• Was that cat Christopher reincarnated? And why does Pauly hate the pussy so much?
• Who’s taking over the New York family? Does that rat faced dude who sold Phil out have what it takes to lead? He seems better suited as a henchman.
• Is there any possibility that AJ does something worthwhile with his life? Or does he end up producing porno just as god intended.
• How the hell is AJ and his chinstrap getting into that underage hottie’s pants? Are there no statutory rape laws in the Garden State? How about laws against chinstraps?
• Will Tony and Agent Harris go have a beer soon to celebrate Leotardo’s death?
• Who was the shady dude that went into the bathroom? Nobody? Are we supposed to keep guessing?
• Why can’t Meadow parallel park?
• And are all these questions the indicator that there really could be a movie after all?

Our opinion is that the finale was a final “go fuck yourselves” to the casual “Sopranos” fans, the people who’ve always thought the show was supposed to be an hour of mob killings, the people who got all pissy when an episode finished without any tits or bloodshed.

The show is much more. An allegory for real life instead of a fictional escape. Only hardcore fans could have appreciated what went down last night. Besides, who needs resolution when you’ve got Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing bringing down the curtains? That was awesome.

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