This time of year is so devoid of college football news it’s depressing. That’s why when any quasi-relevant news breaks, we’re all over it, drooling, hoping it will get us to September a little faster. We’re still mourning the disappearance of offseason Arkansas bombshells (adulterous text messaging, whiny momma’s boy quarterbacks, bat shit crazy boosters, a fumbling coach named Nutt, etc.). That was priceless. You’re OK in our book Razorbacks.

The notable story we’ve heard reported a couple of places this week is that golden boy Notre Dame quarterback recruit and part time gremlin, Jimmy Clausen, had surgery on his elbow and could possibly miss the whole season. Big news seeing that this kid was the number one recruit in the nation and the supposed football savior for a consistently over-hyped and underachieving Notre Dame program. A lot of expectations for a dude with obvious tendencies for douchebaggery (see ring flashing photo above) and questionable genetic makeup (see respective football careers of Casey and Rick Clausen).

The handling of this story is what has really created all the confusion and speculation. Notre Dame doesn’t let Clausen speak to the media–probably a rule instated after last year’s ring flashing commitment press conference (pictured above) where Clausen showed up with a Sum 41 makeover and exclaiming that he’d deliver “four national championships” at Notre Dame–so he hasn’t provided any clarification. The information department at Notre Dame has only stated that Clausen will be ready for fall practice, that’s it, no insight on the injury or surgery. And Notre Dame coach, Charlie Weis, has presumably been too busy admiring Han Solo frozen in carbonite to answer any questions on the subject. Not a lot of clarification coming from the Irish.

All in all we don’t care too much about this story. We’re not Notre Dame fans. Our primary reaction to Notre Dame news is, “Fuck Notre Dame,” so Clausen’s medical timetable really just determines how soon we’ll be rooting against him. But, like we said, we’re jonesing for anything college football, and a mini-conspiracy at the one college football program under contract with ESPN to get serviced orally helps to make football season one day closer.

Email This