Go ahead and take in the above gratuitous Jessica Simpson photo and the ones at the bottom of this post because after today we’re done with her…barring she poses nude, does soft porn, or just gets herself looking really hot again, of course.

Why, you may ask? Because it’s come to our attention that Jessica has hit rock bottom. Below rock bottom actually, underneath rock bottom, somewhere into the earth’s crust where mole men live. Reports are that she’s begging, pleading, and annoying the shit out of–of all people–John Mayer to get him to give her another shot. WTF.

Seriously, John Mayer? Mayer? The Muppet looking guitar player? That guy? What, she couldn’t find anyone less lame? Is Wilmer Valderrama already in a serious relationship or something? Think about it, less than two years ago this chick was the tits–figuratively and literally–and today she’s got zero career and is begging John Mayer to bone her. We blacklist relatives for less than this. Goodbye, sweetheart. [Source: IDontLikeYouInThatWay]

Now pretend it’s 2005, you’ve never heard the song Waiting on the World to Change, and enjoy:

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