Seeing that she has the number one movie in the country and we don’t feel like being remotely obscure this week, we thought we’d give Jessica Alba her due. (Yep, that’s her above, uber cleavage mode. At least the photo is kind of obscure.)

Tell you the truth, half the reason she’s this week’s winner is because we love the barbie doll look they give her in the “Fantastic Four” flicks. We figure her as a fake blonde is probably as close as we’ll ever get to seeing her do porn, so we should soak it up in as many ways as possible–as many ways as possible that don’t involve actually seeing the movie that is.

It’s only taken a couple of years for Alba to become a worldwide phenomenon of hotness, so let’s make things interesting and timeline her rise to power, using our favorite chronology tool, IMDB.com.

1999 - “Idle Hands”

Alba jumped on our radar in this weird comedy/horror where she plays the high school love interest. You inevitably spend the first half of the movie debating whether she’s 18 or not only to spend the second half of the movie fully decided you’d break the law if given the opportunity.

2000 - “Dark Angel”

The only person we know that gave this shitty sci-fi action show a chance is Steve Irony (and he’s a big fan of “Highlander: The Series” if you need a point of reference).

The only notable thing about “Dark Angel” is that it was another step in the right hotness direction for Alba, with the midriffs, gymnastics, pleather, and all.

2003 - “Honey”

Bad movie where Alba plays a white chick who wishes she was black. Oh, and she wants to dance or something.

Yet another project where seeing the preview notified all interested parties that it was only watchable on mute. We heard a lot of sweaty dancing though, which can’t be all bad…as long as it was Alba doing the dancing and not Missy Elliot.

2005 -”Sin City”, “Into the Blue”, and “Fantastic Four”

So this is obviously Alba’s big break into mega superstar global top ten hot list year, catapulted by the movie poster for “Into the Blue”, the striptease scene from “Sin City”, and the exposure from “Fantastic Four”.

2005 is also notable because Alba managed to do one OK movie and only two really garbage ones. That was a real step up from her one garbage project a year standard.

2007 - Hump Day on StillAwesome.com

And today she reaches the pinnacle of her hotness career. Very similar to receiving an Academy Award for your talents, but by “Academy Award” we mean a bunch of weird dudes ogling you, and by “talents” we mean looking good in a two piece.

If there’s really anything to take away from the Alba timeline of hotness it’s that Alba’s agent is the luckiest fucking waste of space on the planet. Her agent’s lazy ass has signed her up for crapfest after crapfest, yet Alba’s transcended it all to become a global icon of prettiness. That’s why Alba is the kind of chick we really want to do respect.

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