Katherine McPhee’s been asking for it since we put her on our to do list, and with an album coming out soon, or recently released, or whatever (some chick we were hitting on at the grocery store strip club told us about the album), today’s the day.

When compiling our Bone List of Former American Idol Contestants (with talent), McPhee shot up to the top of list, just outranking Carrie Underwood, which has both to do with us thinking Underwood has a little more white trash in her than we’re comfortable with and because The Panty Dropper (aka Tony Romo) has most likely ran through Underwood like he was about to ship off to war. (And that’s almost as bad as Roethlisberger seconds.)

If that Ryan Starr chick had anything going for her besides an ideal stripper’s figure she’d give McPhee a run for her money, though. Also, as a disclaimer to all our readers out there, if you currently think or at any point in your life thought Kelly Clarkson was hot, you’re gay. End of story.

But we digress…

The only consequential things we know about McPhee are 1) she started “AI” with some baby fat and it took a little work to trim down to the specimen she is now (see below), 2) she lost “AI” to some fat gray haired loser we’re pretty sure we once poured a beer on at a tailgate for wearing ridiculously short shorts, and 3) she dates some old dude, which probably means she’s a fucking loon.

Most of Team Cool & Tough wasn’t aware of McPhee’s pension for old balls, but JB pointed it out to us all:

“She is like 22 and dates some old dude (40+). Think she’s probably a little crazy too. Like (omitted name of former JB girlfriend) crazy.”

That was enough to convince the rest of us that she’s probably chemically imbalanced, which–thankfully for McPhee–has no bearing on Hump Day recognition.

And now the thousand calorie diet and pilates transformation:

Before = Baby Fat

After = Great Stems

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