Conspiracy Theory Thursday: Dan Patrick Might Not Be Boring The Shit Out Of You For Much Longer
July 5th, 2007 by NextRound
We’re back from an abbreviated vacation and ready to churn out all the content goodness you’ve become accustomed to. For all of you suckers that were in the office and not busy being cool and tough over the last week (see July 4th post below), we both apologize for not keeping you entertained on a daily basis and offer you a complimentary kick in the balls. You should really know better than to work when we’re not working.
Today, we’re going to get jump started with the rumor/news that’s been floating around the web that today on his radio show Dan Patrick will announce he’s leaving ESPN.
We don’t listen to Patrick’s radio show because it is nauseatingly lame. We’re talking Mike & Mike lame. It’s like purposely tuning to a radio show to listen to the boring relative you feel obligated to have a conversation with at Thanksgiving.
But we can’t deny that the guy is semi-important to us. Patrick, Olberman, and Kilborn WERE SportsCenter during our formidable years. And we think just about every hetero male our age feels the same way.
So despite a level of douchiness over the last ten years that we can’t condone–we’ve been informed by an unnamed source that Patrick regularly talks about his Irish heritage tattoos on his radio show–Dan Patrick leaving ESPN is significant for a couple of reasons:
1) His tenure at ESPN and the ramifications at the network. A lot of questions will have to be answered, like who will take over his radio spot? Our luck ESPN will probably just extend Mike & Fucking Mike for another five hours. We’ll see.
2) Patrick most likely already has another gig lined up. It’s probably something stupid like co-hosting Entertainment Tonight, but we may find ourselves stuck with the guy somewhere we didn’t see coming.
3) His career move might be the catalyst that encourages several other loser personalities at ESPN to consider greener pastures. Imagine the possibilities if stiffs like Greenberg, Sean Salisbury, Chris Berman, Stuart Scott, Skip Bayless, or a handful of others left ESPN under the notion that they could be bigger, better deals elsewhere. Maybe we could once again associate sports television journalism to not wanting to punch people in the face. Oh the possibilities.
