We helped “Transformers” dominate the box office this weekend, and we have to say it was definitely worth it. Which really isn’t saying a whole lot since we went in with a total bias from loving “Transformers” as kids. In order for the flick to have failed at being terrifically nostalgic someone would have had to have really fucked it up. We’re talking Michael Bay directing Autobots going down on one another or something.

We’re not saying that “Transformers” is “Saving Private Ryan” or anything. It’s not a great flick. It’s fun and entertaining, but definitely loses some luster in the second half. It fails to really keep the quality level up when the movie is forced to become plot oriented. If you think about it though, that’s really the litmus test that separates good action or comedy flicks from great ones: the ability to sustain momentum when you have to tie the story together.

But, like we said, we really enjoyed it. Great turn-your-brain-off-and-suck-down-popcorn entertainment. We have a lot of thoughts on “Transformers”–or maybe, more appropriately, there’s a bunch of random shit we want to say about the movie–so in the spirit of avoiding confusion we’ll just lay out a bunch of bullet points:

• First and foremost, what really matters: Megan Fox totally lives up to the hype and delivers in this flick. This chick is destined for greatness. Several jaw dropping hotness scenes in the movie. We’d also like to commend the wardrobe department for a job well done because we have no idea if she can act, but determining whether she was a good actress or not never once crossed our mind while watching the movie. Megan has catapulted to the top of our To Do List. And despite some questionable decisions in her personal life (more below), she’s even officially achieved her own topic category on StillAwesome.com (to the left). Congrats, sweetheart. We’d love to see you naked. You deserve it.

• The funny thing we’ve learned over the last few weeks when bullshitting with all sorts of different people about the “Transformers” movie is that there’s an abrupt generational gap between guys our age (mid-twenties) that loved the show and the action figures as kids and guys just a few years younger than us who have almost no recollection. Our level of anticipation was indefensibly high where as some of these younger guys could care less. There may also be some correlation to this and who gets laid more, but we’d rather not dig too deep on that one.

• In addition to Megan Fox there’s another piece of gratuitous hot chick casting that we can’t help but commend. She’s some hot Brit we’d never seen before but definitely wouldn’t mind giving the business to. The best part is the Brit is cast as some super brilliant tech geek in the movie. We love unrealistic stuff like this in blockbusters.

• The first half of a movie manages to maintain a low cheese level considering this is a live action flick about giant talking robots from outerspace. Of course, inevitably, the cheese really picks up steam in the second half. It still must be pointed out that Michael Bay didn’t totally fuck up this essential part of making this movie. “Transformers” offers a thin ‘Ridiculousness’ line to walk and we were scared Bay would totally cross it. We still think the guy and his movies as a whole are fairly stupid, but maybe he took so much offense to the Entourage “Aquaman 2″ comment that he took it on himself not completely blow it with “Transformers”. That’s gotta be the case.

• “Transformers”–once again, primarily the first half–delivers some genuinely clever lines. From the Bernie Mac appearance to just a bunch of witty quips here and there, there’s a solid adult entertainment element to the movie. Of course, the second half takes this too far and makes you wince in a few places, but whatever.

• As pointed out by Big Sexy in the June Monthly Update, the casting is questionable at best. We’d primarily attribute this to making a movie about talking robots from outerspace. DiCaprio probably wasn’t lining up to do this one. But out of all the issues that could have been created due to crappy casting–most of which were muted by the Megan Fox slam dunk–John Turturro and Anthony Anderson stick out. They are both utterly worthless in this movie. Anthony Anderson is always annoying as hell and John Turturro is at a ‘Will Take Any Gig’ point in his career where only 1 out of 3 things he does are going to be decent, but they both really suck the big one in “Transformers”. No details necessary, they just suck.

• What about the GM product placement? All the Transformers are some type of GM automobile. No one we know drives anything made by GM and they haven’t turned a profit in like five years, but looks like they took a nice gamble on “Transformers” since the movie is obliterating the box office.

• We thought we might leave the movie ready to kick the dude from “Vegas” in the balls the next time we see him, but he was fine and we left pretty much as neutral to him as when we walked in. That’s as an actor anyway. That this guy is engaged to Leatherface Fergie is another story altogether. This dude should be running through Playboy models and instead is going to marry some chick three years away from mummification. Nevermind, kick in the balls is reinstated.

• And since we’re bringing up actors and personal lives, now seems like the appropriate time to mention that Megan Fox dates (and may be engaged to)–brace yourselves–Brian Austin Green. That’s right. She’s boning fucking David Silver. Let that sink in. This piece of information was just presented to us yesterday and we have yet to comprehend it. Maybe by the end of the week we’ll have some sort of opinion. Seriously, David-FUCKING-Silver?

Alright, that’s it, our heads are about to explode due to confusion/betrayal overload with regards to our #1 lady friend boning DJ Dave. But as a final thought, “Transformers” will not change your life, but it will entertain you, we recommend you check it out if you haven’t…

We can’t even finish that thought. WTF? Brian Austin Green? Wasn’t his last gig playing sidekick to Freddie Prinze Jr. on a gay dating show or something? This is incomprehensible. Time to start drinking.

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