What’s Not Lame: Jessica Simpson Tells Us To Suck It
July 10th, 2007 by NextRound

We’ve never claimed to be the least fickle dudes around and it’s once again come to bite us in the ass. Less than a month ago we wrote off Jessica Simpson for good, only for her to drop like 15 lbs. and totally start looking super bonable again in a span of roughly three weeks. She can’t even keep her jeans on in the picture above for fuck’s sake.
Man, we knew we wielded a lot of power with this site, but we had no idea we could influence the outward appearances of female pop stars. This could get very interesting.
And as a caveat, we’d like to say that J. Simpson still isn’t 100% in our good graces. At this current stage we’re just taking the high road and admitting we would definitely do her if given the opportunity when we previously claimed she was dead to us. As far as getting back on our A list again, there’s still a lot to contend with. Her dad’s still a diabolical loon, her career still kind of sucks, and there’s a rumor she’s dating Dane Cook. The Dane Cook thing may be a deal breaker, because that non-funny loser is way more mainstream than his talents ever warranted. We’re willing to bet there’s a handshake with Lucifer involved somewhere in there.
And In Other News:
It appears Scarlett Johannson isn’t quite as beaten down as we originally thought. Although we stand strong with our theory on her. PerezHilton.com















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