Joel Madden has been asking for a punch in the face for quite some time. Mostly for just being a ginormous douchebag, but more specifically for sporting a plethora of loser tattoos and having a bunch of fishing lures stapled to his face. We don’t care if you are a rock star in a band, that shit is never cool and always spells tool.

On top of all the overcompensating body art, this guy also has shitty taste in ladies. Not long ago, he was like 25 and dating a 17 year old Hilary Duff. If you’re this loser and your no talent band inexplicably sells a bunch of albums and you become famous, why are you wasting your time with some marginally attractive high maintenance underage pop star Nickelodeon star? If we’re talking an underage Nikki Myer, maybe it’s another story, but the Duffer? Gross.

Now this dude has supposedly knocked up Nicole Richie, which means he had to have sex with Nicole Richie, which pretty much means he’s kind of owning up to necrophilia. But from what we’ve read (via WWTDD) it may not be Joel’s kid after all. The kid could also be the spawn of DJ AM (equivalent douchebag to Joel), Brody Jenner (met him once, bitch slapped him), or Jeff Goldblum. WTF, Jeff Goldblum? The dude from “Jurassic Park”? That guys decrepit. How’d he even meet Nicole Richie, let alone give her the business? Doe’s he play golf with Lionel or something? We’re confused.

So, in conclusion, Joel Madden unsuccessfully tries really hard to be cool, has gross taste in women, and one of two no talent Hollywood douchebags or The Fly might have knocked up his girlfriend. Joel, sounds like life has already punched you in the face, but that won’t keep us from piling on.

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