Just about all of us (minus Booth) have day jobs. Some are worse than others. But you can guarantee they all suck on some level. And that the primary cause of this universal day job suckiness is almost always co-workers. Most co-workers fall under stereotypes. Here’s our list of the top 5 that suck the most:

5) That Chick Who Wants to Talk Personal Lives

It’s Monday morning, you feel and look like dogshit. All you want to do is grab as much super caffeinated coffee as you can from the breakroom and get this day over with. You’re just about to head back to your desk and that chick who wants to talk personal lives enters.

She’s miserable. She asks you how you weekend was. You say, “Fine,” which you figure is universally translated to: “Fuck off, it’s Monday morning.” But she takes this as an opening to inform you about her weekend: the crappy movie she saw, and how romantic her boyfriend is, and how she couldn’t believe the weather wasn’t better.

Worst of all, she is soberingly unattractive.

4) That Guy Who Gets Way Too Caught Up in Office Politics

So you’re having an awesome time reading the most recent genius musing on stillawesome.com when all of a sudden that guy who gets way too caught up in office politics sticks his head in your office/cubicle.

You’re forced to close your browser and listen to this whiny bitch go on and on about the email from management banning cell phone calls from workspaces. You tell him you don’t care. So then he rants about how he heard your boss could be up for his boss’s position. You reemphasize your uncaring. He’s unfazed and informs you of the cuts that management is planning to make to the health care plan. You tell him you haven’t been to the doctor in five years except to get tested for an STD and that visit is free.

He finally leaves you alone.

3) That Loser Who is Always Hitting You Up to Grab a Drink

You spend your entire Thursday looking forward to having a beer with your buddies after work. Around 4 PM that loser who is always hitting you up to grab a drink comes a knockin’. He’s starts bugging you to hit up the killer Applebees’ Happy Hour with him. Two dollar shooters. Hot waitresses. How can you say no?

This wouldn’t suck so bad if you didn’t have to be strategic. Because if you tell him your real plans he’s going to try and join you, and you have to work with the guy so you don’t want to reveal to him his suckiness and inability to fit in with your friends because then things will be awkward going forward. Luckily, you’ve anticipated this and tell him a relative’s in town you’re meeting for dinner.

As he walks away you pray for him to meet some chick with a shitty personality he can spend eternity with.

2) That Lady Who is Way Too Excited About Birthdays

The day has been moving along pretty well and then you get an email with an all caps subject line informing you that this month’s birthday gathering will take place in thirty minutes. Fuck, it’s July. Your birthday is in July.

When you get forced into the conference room that lady who is way too excited about birthdays makes you and five other people born in July stand in front of all your co-workers and receive a half assed rendition of Happy Birthday. Afterwards, you get exponentially pissed off every time someone wishes you happy birthday. Then the lady gives you a two pound wedge of cake–all frosting–that you polish off.

You back to your desk and enter a coma after cursing her spinster existence.

1) That Dude Who Is Super Inefficient

Half the time you look over at that dude who is super inefficient he’s chatting it up with someone about some super lame bullshit topic. The other half he’s reclining at his desk, yucking it up on the phone with some numbnuts friend of his. But you don’t really give a shit what this guy does with his time as long as he’s not talking to you.

UNTIL the staff meeting rolls around and this douchebag starts complaining to your boss about how heavy his workload is, how behind he’s getting, and how he’d really appreciate it if everyone could chip in to help him out. Your boss sights that you’ve been dipping out early during the week so you could probably use some more work. You try to explain your “efficiency” approach to your job, but that doesn’t fly.

Later you slash the dude’s tires and sign him up for GayFriendFinder.com. You still don’t feel vindicated.

Note to all our readers:

If you are any of these people, you suck.

“People Who Suck” is NextRound’s outline of generic people that make us angry on a daily basis.

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