News broke yesterday that Scarlett Johansson accepted the starring role in the new biopic based on Jenna Jameson’s autobiography, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star. [Sources: Sun Online, WWTDD]

In light of this revelation we thought we’d catch up with Scarlett and ask her a few questions. She asked us to meet her at hotel bar in New York. We pretend it went something like this:

NextRound: Hey, Scarlett, how’s it going? Wow. You’re looking way better than the last time we saw you. Glad to see you lost the nose ring. It was creepy.

Scarlett Johansson: Thanks, I think. Good to see you too.

NR: And what was with those weird soccer mom shorts you were wearing? You should really stay away from nose rings and soccer mom shorts. Alone they’re both pretty brutal, but at the same time they come together like a Voltron of ugly. Bad news. Going forward you should…

SJ: Didn’t you guys want to talk to me about the new movie?

NR: Oh, yeah, right, the new movie. Want to get a drink first?

SJ: Sure, I’ll have a vodka tonic.

NR: (To bartender) We’ll have a beer and our special lady friend will have a vodka tonic. (We pat our jeans pockets) Ooooh, Scarlett…looks like we may have left our wallet in our other pair of jeans.

SJ: Sigh…Don’t worry, I’ll get it.

NR: Great. Thanks. Our apologies. That has never happened before.

SJ: Sure, whatever.

NR: So, back to the movie. We have so many questions. With whole porn star role you’re taking on, how are you planning to do research? Hitting up porn sets? Interviewing fluffers? Maybe jumping into action here or there? Some needless breast augmentation? Boning random dudes you meet in hotel bars (wink)?

SJ: Actually, I’ll probably just spend a lot of time with Jenna. Learn about her, her background, stuff like that.

NR: No gratuitous boob job?

SJ: I think I’m doing all right.

NR: We guess so, if your not worried about sag or anything. So this won’t be on of those gigs like when you’re playing a cop in a movie and you go ride around shotgun with a detective for a couple of weeks. Doing what they do for a living hands on?

SJ: Probably not.

NR: Are you sure? Really seems like that would be the way to go. Not to question your motivation or anything, but you should probably jump into this project head first. Definitely put more work into it than you did that “Black Dahlia” flick. Like for starters, you should probably start hooking up with random guys you do interviews with at hotel bars (wink, wink).

SJ: You didn’t like the “Black Dahlia”?

NR: We liked it about as much as we liked the last time we ate bad Korean. Seriously, that movie was terrible. It made about as much sense as Josh Hartnett’s popularity. What’s with that dude anyway? Is he gay or something?

SJ: He’s not gay, we dated.

NR: Really? Not gay? You’re sure? We really would have thought otherwise. Do you think he could kick our ass?

SJ: (Polishes off rest of vodka tonic) Probably.

(Awkward silence)

NR: Well, back to the movie, what’s the deal with Jenna Jameson lately? She starting to look like a five day old corpse. In your opinion, do you think a lifetime of boning like the one she’s been through catches up with you after a while?

SJ: I think she’s great and has led a very interesting life.

NR: Sooooo, you have no commentary on the whole lifetime of boning theory? It’s really the crux of the question.

SJ: No.

NR: OK, well, so far with this interview we’ve gathered that you aren’t going to be doing any freelance porno work, that you won’t be having any front court augmentation done, that you don’t seem to be horrified that you were in “The Black Dahlia”, that you don’t think Hartnett is most likely gay, that you won’t comment on one of our most interesting theories, and that this hotel doesn’t rent rooms by the hour.

SJ: You didn’t ask me about the hotel renting rooms by the hour?

NR: No, we got that answer from the front desk. We assumed you’d be bracing the whole “porn star” thing a little bit more.

SJ: This has been interesting, but I’ve got somewhere to be.

NR: OK. But one last question. Timberlake really can’t be very cool in person, right? He’s kind of short and skinny and whiny, correct?

SJ: Gotta go, we’ll do it again some time.

NR: OK, cool. We’re going to finish off the beer. Do us a favor and buy Jenna a hamburger or something the next time you see her. She’s been looking seriously gross.

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