In random as shit news today that you may find interesting or may think just wasted five minutes of your time, we were reading Page Six when came across this bizarre story where some no-name chick author (Elizabeth Dewberry) is leaving her husband (a Pulitzer Prize winning writer and professor at Florida State) for Ted Turner. Yeah, Ted Turner. The old dude with the mustache who used to own the Braves.

Now, this story isn’t all that interesting in and of itself. Seriously, what the fuck do you do when your wife tells you she’s leaving you to bone some billionaire? But what really makes the whole thing intriguing is that the husband (Robert Olen Butler, 62) sent out a mass email to tell his friends, family, and students to tell them about it.

In the mass email Butler let it be known that part of his wife’s attraction to Ted is that she was knowingly molested as a child by her grandfather and that it is very common for women to “be drawn to men who remind them of their childhood abusers.” (She’s 44 and Ted is 68.) Butler also informed pretty much every person who knows his wife:

“She will not be Ted’s only girlfriend. Ted is permanently and avowedly non-monogamous. But though he has several girlfriends, it is a very small number, and he does not take them up lightly and he gives them his absolute support when he does.”

Buuuuuurn.

Sucks Ted Turner stole this FSU professor’s wife, but at this rate all he needs to do is start forcing coeds to give it up for passing grades and he’s got himself a StillAwesome Hall of Fame nomination. There are some serious biscuits walking around campus in Tallahassee.

[Source: Page Six]

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