Click here for yesterday’s Handicapping the ACC Coastal.

ACC Atlantic

1. Florida State

Optimist says: Vastly improved coaching staff with the return of Chuckie “The Breasts” Amato and the arrival of Jimbo Fisher. And more importantly, the long overdue departure of nationally renowned dipshit Jeff Bowden. Fourteen returning starters, nine on defense, the defensive back seven is loaded with talent and experience.

Pessimist says: Quarterback shuffling could certainly be a factor as the season progresses. They’ll probably start off with Drew Weatherford, but he’s never inspired much confidence. The running game has really struggled the past few seasons. Pass rush was surprisingly inept last season.

Overview: Seriously, what in the hell is the deal with this division? It honestly feels like you could put all six teams in a hat, draw them out at random, and regardless what the order it would make sense. That being said, if Florida State puts it all together they could easily out-class the rest of the division. But this is completely dependent on existing talent responding favorably to the staff overhaul.

Degenerate Ramblings: This team has been a wagering black hole the last few seasons. If–and this is a big if–Fisher can bring stability and balance to the offense, this could be a scary team to bet against. The opening game at Clemson will reveal a lot about both teams, but I wouldn’t bet on that game with Monopoly money.

2. Clemson

Optimist says: Sweet Jesus, James Davis and C.J. Spiller render the most cynical of fans weak-kneed. Defensive front seven is particularly inspiring as the loss of Gaines Adams should be offset by the return of Tramaine Billie and the emergence of uber-talented Ricky Sapp complementing an otherwise intact unit. Schedule sets up favorably, shouldn’t be a decisive underdog in any contest.

Pessimist says: Quarterback is, best case, a major issue. Three-fifths of of last year’s solid offensive line has departed. Two new sophomore corners could lead to breakdowns in pass coverage although it’s hard to envision any quarterback in this league possessing the ability to fully exploit that weakness.

Overview: The early Florida State tilt could cut Clemson out of the championship picture before the season even begins. Clemson needs to emerge from the FSU-NC State-Georgia Tech-Virginia Tech stretch early in the season at least 2-2, otherwise things could go south quickly. Davis and Spiller are certified badasses, and can take this team far in an otherwise defense-dominated, mistake-accentuating league IF the offensive line and quarterback are merely competent.

Degenerate Ramblings: Any sort of consistency from the quarterback, offensive line, and offensive play-calling could lead to great things. Unfortunately, these issues remain a major question mark. As usual, exercise extreme caution before staking your financial claim with the Tommy Bowden regime.

3. Boston College

Optimist says: Matt Ryan is a viable championship quarterback. Defense returns virtually intact and has shown the ability to create turnovers and points. Catholics are non-threatening!

Pessimist says: Conference schedule is extremely unfavorable, they miss Duke and UNC, and could possibly be underdogs in their final six games. Seriously, Andre Callender and L.V. Whitworth are still here? God bless these midgets, they run hard, but they are nothing special. Also, their head coach has, um, never been a head coach.

Overview: On paper, this team seems like a possible contender for the division crown. But the offense is decidedly un-sexy, and they will be breaking in a new head coach who will be facing the toughest possible schedule this conference could offer. However, I can’t place them any lower as they possess a talented, experienced quarterback in a conference that is severely lacking in this regard.

Degenerate Ramblings: I look for BC to perform well against the number this season, especially in the latter half of the season. Ryan’s gutty performances could quantify them as an extremely appealing underdog.

4. Wake Forest

Optimist says: Sixteen returning starters from last year’s conference champion. The return of Micah Andrews will provide a consistent backfield threat that they sorely missed last year. Jim Grobe is one of the elite head coaches in the country.

Pessimist says: Key defensive departures should leave the defense more generous and less turnover-inducing. It’s unrealistic for last season’s +13 turnover margin to be duplicated.

Overview: The fact that this team managed to play in a BCS game while being statistically outplayed in virtually every game is astonishing. Timely turnovers and special teams exploits allowed Wake Forest to consistently beat the odds, but it’s hard to believe that last year’s good fortune is sustainable.

Degenerate Ramblings: I will be in no hurry to lay points with this squad. It will be interesting to see how much respect Vegas gives them. However, I am in no rush to bet against Grobe.

5. N.C. State

Optimist says: Talent abound in the backfield headed by Toney Baker and Andre Brown. Defensive line is experienced and talented. Tom O’Brien should bring consistency and discipline, which this team needs direly.

Pessimist says: Quarterback Daniel Evans is turnover-prone and, quite frankly, just flat out sucks. Three new offensive lineman could have trouble helping establish the running game. A recent history of mediocrity and under-achievement.

Overview: Enough talent exists here to write off last year’s 3 win season as an aberration. Look for the new coaching staff to lean more heavily on the running game and bring a steadying hand to a team hoping to sneak into a bowl game.

Degenerate Ramblings: I seriously doubt I will touch this team early in the season as they face FSU, Clemson, and Boston College in conference while throwing in Louisville for good measure. Look for a slow start from NC State, but if Vegas and the betting public write them off after a tough early season stretch, they could represent good value as the season wears on.

6. Maryland

Optimist says: Deep threat Darrius Heyward-Bey is one of the more underrated players in the country. Return the second-most lettermen in the conference. Friedgen has shown the ability to field an overachieving surprise in the past.

Pessimist says: Will be breaking in a new quarterback (most likely Josh Portis). The defense was manhandled at times last season.

Overview: I honestly have no clue what to make of this team. They were statistically putrid last season, out-gained in eleven straight games, including Florida International and Middle Tennessee State. However, the offense did show signs of life late in the year versus Wake Forest and in their impressive bowl victory against Purdue. But I just can’t get around the fact that Maryland was physically dominated at times. I’m not sure that there’s enough talent on hand to reverse that trend.

Degenerate Ramblings: If the offense can build upon the momentum they built at the end of last season, I will be more than happy to grab a seat on the Friedgen Express. I suggest taking a wait-and-see approach.

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