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Knee-Jerk Reaction: “Die Hard 4″


August 1st, 2007 by NextRound

die hard 4If we’re good for anything, it’s passing judgement on things that suck and sifting through a lot of crap that’s out there to make suggestions as to what’s worth your time.

With that in mind, we have to recommend you go see “Die Hard 4″. Despite receiving decent reviews, the movie has totally flown under the radar, which is too bad, because it’s the perfect remedy to a boring summer weekend when you’re counting down to football season.

We just finally saw it and–needless to say–we’re severely bullshit with ourselves for not making the trip sooner. We didn’t doubt John McClane as much as we doubted whether the quality of a fourth “Die Hard” installment warranted a theater visit. Again, we should have donkey punched ourselves for that line of reasoning.

We will never ever again doubt something that has treated us so good in the past. It’s a lot like that time we gave up buying beer for high school kids. Not at all worth it.

The only real issues we had with “Die Hard 4″ are: A) it’s actual name, “Live Free or Die Hard” (kind of lame, therefore we don’t recognize the movie by that name), B) the PG-13 rating (no gratuitous F-bombs), and C) a weak Kevin Smith cameo that felt like it was inserted after the director lost a bet to Kevin Smith’s mom.

Luckily, the reasons to go see “Die Hard 4″ far outweight the negatives:

1) Four weeks until football season and the only new flicks worth seeing are “The Bourne Ultimatum” and “Superbad”.

2) John McClane really gets the shit kicked out of himself in this one. You will definitely walk out of the theater feeling like a pussy.

3) Besides a few over-the-top action scenes/special effects (which are totally worth it), the movie maintains the understated nature established in the first three Die Hards. 

4) Hot sinister Asian chick villain. Always a crowd pleaser.

5) Bruce Willis should be your hero. Think about what this guy has pulled off with his personal life. He gets divorced from his high maintenance aging cougar wife (probably still hits it when he wants) and has a braindead Ashton Kutcher take over all the crap husband/father duties for him. Now, Bruce spends his time banging Playboy models half his age, hanging out with his kids when he wants and showering them with gifts and passes to movie premiers. All this and the media  paints him out to be some sort of enlightened individual because he’s not remotely bitter about his ex-wife shacking up with the Kutcher. It’s incredible. This sort of high level manipulation put on by Bruce deserves its own how-to book or something.

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