This is going to be difficult for all of you faithful out there to believe, but a piece of news we reported the other day turns out to be false. Shocking, we know. The faux pas may put us at risk of not being taken seriously in the hard hitting journalism community. Or it could be the article we ran on the nicknames we gave ugly chicks in college that put us at risk.

Despite various news sources and blogs reporting on Monday that Scarlett Johansson had accepted the lead in the Jenna Jameson biopic How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, it is now being reported that Scarlett has no interest in the film and has not even been approached about it. (Then why’d she agree to do the mock interview with us? Self-inflicted Dagger!)

There’s also been some celebrity gossip floating around that Jessica Simpson was offered the role, but her creepy dad (who may or may not have been one of those evangelical preachers in “Borat”) turned it down for her. Jessica then went on to star in some movie with Dane Cook that looked to be about as funny as pancreatic cancer. We heard that movie actually lost money before it even started filming. First time ever.

So what’s the deal here? Why the hell does no one want to play a porn star in a feature film?

You guessed it, we have a couple of theories:

1) If you’ve seen Jenna Jameson lately you realize she looks nothing like this picture to the right and everything like she just woke up from a five day heroine slumber. Her movie probably hasn’t even been greenlit, but she’s busy keeping herself in headlines by continuing to talk about it.

Even though we love the porn star movie concept and if we were a studio president the DVD would already be on the shelves at Blockbuster, we can completely understand why no one wants to make this flick. Jenna’s spent the last two years getting plowed by Tito Ortiz and having A LOT of shitty plastic surgery done to herself. Any glamour her mystique once carried has been removed.

2) No way any moderately successful female star who’s anywhere near their prime is going to jump on this gig. If the movie’s done right there is just far to much risk involved. The only ladies that are going to be willing to play Jenna will be either A) a complete no-name, B) some psycho trying to shed an image (a la Jesse Spano in “Showgirls” except not gross looking), or C) some prematurely washed up star who will take any job thrown her way after her fourth stint in rehab (Lohan). Feel free to make some suggestions.

Moral of the story: All you creepy bastards out there with a shelf in your mom’s basement dedicated to Jenna’s finest work, don’t get your hopes up for this flick being made anytime soon.

[Sources: People, IDontLikeYouInThatWay]

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