Welcome back class! Today’s lesson will take you through the fascinating landscape of the Big 12! Seriously, if you have access to Adderral or Ritalin, now might be a good time to pop one. Or three.

As always, I’ll be going through the teams as I anticipate them to finish in their division.

Big 12 South

1. Oklahoma

Optimist says: Return the most starters in the league (15). Defense is absolutely loaded across the board, probably the best secondary in the country. Offensive line is talented and experienced. They should have no trouble paving the way for a stable of talented running backs. Excluding their game with Texas, Oklahoma will be favored by over a touchdown in every regular season game.

Pessimist says: Will be starting a freshman at quarterback (redshirt freshman Sam Bradford or true freshman Keith Nichol).

Overview: While riding a freshman quarterback is typically a recipe for disaster versus elite competition, few quarterbacks of any class are blessed with a defense on the level of Oklahoma’s. The running game should be consistently productive, requiring only minimal contributions through the air. As usual, the conference title will rest on the annual matchup with Texas. While Texas has come out on top the last two years, the talent differential enjoyed by the Longhorns has closed dramatically. All things being equal, I’ll take Stoops over Mac Brown every single time.

Degenerate Ramblings: I’m in no hurry to bet against this squad but they could have trouble covering large spreads because of extremely conservative play calling. Contingent on a reasonable spread, I will strongly consider a play on Oklahoma against Texas.

2. Texas

Optimist says: Overall talent level remains exceptional. The front seven should have no problems stuffing the run. Colt McCoy showed steady improvement as last season progressed.

Pessimist says: Pass defense was surprisingly spotty last season. Struggled at times to maintain a consistent running game, especially in short-yardage situations. Is Colt McCoy the real deal or simply an efficient game manager who caught fire against inferior competition? And how in the hell did they lose to Kansas State at the end of last season?

Overview: The only real question marks on the schedule are Oklahoma and a visit to College Station to close out the year. As mentioned earlier, I expect Oklahoma to come out on top.

Degenerate Ramblings: If the offensive line/running game improve considerably and Colt McCoy continues to progress, this offense is capable of putting up some big numbers. In the past few years Texas has performed relatively well in huge chalk situations and that trend could continue.

3. Oklahoma State

Optimist says: Fifteen returning starters, tied for most in the Big 12. They return their main offensive weapons in QB Bobby Reid, RB Dantrell Savage, and WR Adarius Bowman (who turned in a 300-yard receiving performance vs. Kansas). Defense returns 7 starters and improved from allowing 31.3 to 25.6 points per game last season. They could conceivably improve again.

Pessimist says: Road schedule is an absolute nightmare (Georgia, Texas A&M, Nebraska, and Oklahoma). And let’s face it, nobody’s going to confuse this defensive unit with the ’85 Bears.

Overview: Look for Reid to emerge and turn in a monster season. I don’t expect him to blow the Cowboys chances at Georgia or anywhere else with a barrage of interceptions. They should be involved in their fair share of shootouts. I expect this team to pull an upset or two and turn some heads.

Degenerate Ramblings: If all goes according to plan, they should perform well against the number, pulverizing lesser competition and putting a scare into the big boys.

4. Texas A&M

Optimist says: End of season upset against Texas portends good things. Running game will be one of the country’s best, boasting three viable threats(QB Stephen McGee, RB’s Mike Goodson, and Jorvorskie Lane). Entire offensive line returns.

Pessimist says: Concerns that the offense will be one-dimensional. Defense was inconsistent. Road schedule’s a nightmare (Miami, Oklahoma, Nebraska, and Texas Tech). Under Franchione, they’ve had a troubling tendency of struggling with teams like Baylor or Army.

Overview: On paper this team looks like it could be a conference contender. However, I question how much better last year’s 9 win team was than the previous 5 win version. Statistically, the only area that reflected that improvement was the secondary. Their offense will be fine against weaklings, but I’m just not sure they can break through otherwise. Franchione’s teams are 3-14 against ranked teams and 1-7 against Oklahoma and Texas. I don’t expect that trend to reverse itself.

Degenerate Ramblings: As documented above, this team has been extremely unreliable under Franchione. Caveat Emptor.

5. Texas Tech

Optimist says: The offense will be unquestionably productive. QB Graham Harrell returns to a high-flying, plug-n-play offense that never disappoints. Mike Leach is amazingly consistent, having won eight games five years in a row with .500 talent. Out-of-conference schedule is, as usual, craptastic.

Pessimist says: Only five starters return to a defense that isn’t exactly stocked with talent or depth. They’ve had trouble breaking through against the big boys (Leach is 2-12 against Oklahoma and Texas).

Overview: I hate to slot Tech this low but the teams slotted above them seem to have more going for them. Expect the usual, about 4-4 in conference, 8-4 overall.

Degenerate Ramblings: Holy fuck, this team is fun as hell to bet on. It doesn’t get any better that watching Leach hang 70 on Helen Keller State. Seriously, I’ll never talk you out of wagering on Texas Tech. Well, unless they’re playing someone worth a shit.

6. Baylor

Optimist says: Unlike the basketball team, no inter-squad murders in the last several years! And, the head coach hasn’t been fired for being a soul-less piece of shit!

Pessimist says: I’m too tired.

Overview: They sucked out loud last year, and it won’t get much better.

Degenerate Ramblings: I would say bet against them, but Vegas has adjusted, so they should be facing some monumental point-spreads. Probably best to stay away.

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