It’s Friday so that means we are anxiously counting down the seconds until we dip out from work inexcusably early to go grab a beer. During these dog days of summer only a few things get us giddy: the H-Man’s preseason football previews, wiping our hands of a one night stand, and the afternoon beer.

Since we’re quasi-adults now with refined tastes in both women and alcohol, Busch Light no longer matches every occasion. So here’s our top five happy hour beers for the summer:

5) Corona. The go-to staple. Corona is Mr. Dependable. Will never let you down. Perfect with chips and salsa and the patio of a cheap Mexican restaurant with a mariachi band playing your requests for La Bamba.

What? Drink it with a lime? Sure, why not. It’s not gay as long as it’s the senorita waitress delivering the Corona with a lime wedge and not you cutting a piece of fruit yourself.

4) Asahi. This Japanese brew is perfect for when you are out for drinks with a mixed crowd of new people you’re not sure if you like or not. They’ll never see this coming and will think you are both complex and mysterious.

If asked by any chick you think you might possibly want to bone why you drink Asahi, tell her that you really got turned onto it during a business trip to Tokyo. Say this regardless of whether you’ve ever been to Japan or not. That line has a 50% panty dropping success rate.  

3) Bass. Perfect for an afternoon at the pub when you’re looking to catch a mean buzz quickly. Goes down like koolaid and packs a punch. The best part is you get handsomer with every sip.

2) Blue Moon (or really any Hefe-weizen). This is your ideal start drinking early beer. The Belgian White goes down smooth and can really get the wheels greased early in the day if you’re trying to get back on the wagon from a rough night.

You will face some more questions regarding fruit garnish as Blue Moon is served with an orange slice. But just a) follow the Corona general fruit rule of thumb and b) never eat the orange slice. Because if you do, the list of American dudes who have eaten the orange slice will be comprised of you, Lance Bass, and Clay Aiken.

1) Pacifico. After spending a lot of time languishing in Mexico, the Pacifico tops our list of summer happy hour beers. The Pacifico is pretty much the Corona’s smoking hot older sister: more developed and more exclusive. You work your way up to the Pacifico.

And the best part is the Pacifico is a little bit of everything: great in the summer, great for the outdoors, great to start drinking early, and just obscure enough to make you seem cooler and tougher than everyone else.

Email This