We really have no idea how in the hell this went down without us being notified, but apparently, Joe Pesci recently got engaged to–brace yourselves–Angie Everhart. What. The. Fuck.

We were under the impression that Pesci had been suffering from a serious decline in awesomeness since the release of “Casino”, that he’s just been busy getting wrinkly and further resembling a pissed off Leprechaun. But obviously that isn’t the case.

Because it’s not like Angie Everhart has lost it or anything. She’s 37 and still highly bonable. When you consider Pesci is 64 and has been absent from public consciousness for over ten years, this engagement is staggering.

And to make matters even more surreal, a tremendous subplot has developed where Steve Sanders (aka Ian Ziering) is making a play for Angie. Wow. Our heads hurt. Too many jokes. Hard to continue writing. We’ll let our boy JB summarize:

“Seriously, a former smoking hot supermodel who is still a great piece is torn between Joe Pesci and Ian Ziering? What, is Ricky Schroeder g*y or dead or something? Pesci hasn’t done anything that hasn’t been atrocious since Casino and that was 12 yrs ago. Was that it? Did Everhart get so turned on by the awkward sex scene that tubby bastard shot with Sharon Stone that she just felt compelled to make a commitment to spend the rest of her life (or at least a year or two) with him?”

So to summarize, for:

1. Playing Tommy DeVito.
2. Playing Nicky Santoro.
3. Unjustifiably offing Spider.
4. Being the recipient of the greatest line in movie history: “Now go home and get your fucking shine box.”
5. Pulling the ‘Just Rufeed Her’ head push on Sharon Stone.
6. And boning Angie Everhart even though he’s 30 years older than her and completely decrepit looking…

Joe Pesci has just been nominated to the Hall of Fame. Congrats, you deserve it. Please be sure to pistol whip Ian Ziering if he gets fresh with you and calls you “gramps” or something lame like that.

[Sources: Hollywood.com, Starpulse, Page Six]

[NSFW Awesome Angie Everhart Source Found During Research: Mr. Skin]

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