We inadvertently caught some of the movie “Vacancy” the other day. It was painful. Just a shitty movie. We could only think about two things while watching it: 1) How quickly we’d take Kate Beckinsdale to Poundtown if given the opportunity, and 2) What the hell was Luke Wilson thinking.

Thinking about what Luke Wilson was thinking got us to thinking. Luke Wilson seems like an OK dude. We’d have a beer with him. So what’s the reason he signs on for so many undeniably craptastic flicks. We recently read that he’s in the new sure-to-be-miserable Jessica Simpson movie, “Blonde Ambition”, that’s rumored to be going straight to DVD.

Seriously, WTF?

And that’s when it hit us: Luke Wilson doesn’t read scripts. Actually, we’ll take it a step further: Luke Wilson doesn’t read scripts, movie titles, or the part where it says who else has already signed on.

It’s really the only explanation. Because the guy hits on about one out of every six movies he makes, and that seems like just about the right odds if you were to accept pretty much every movie you were offered.

The way we look at it, Luke is either A) really fucking stymie and will cash any paycheck handed him, OR B) really fucking lazy and will cash any paycheck handed him.

Either way, you remove “Old School” and all the Wes Anderson movies (”Rushmore”, “The Royal Tenenbaums”, “Bottle Rocket”, etc.) from his resume and you’ve got the following “films”. We can only speculate to Luke’s motivation:

• “Blue Streak” - Heard it was going to be this generation’s “48 Hrs.”, only to arrive on set and have Martin Lawrence continually call him a “cracker”.

• “Charlie’s Angels” - Was told he would have opportunity to hump all “Angels” on separate occasions, only to arrive on set and find one “Angel” was Drew Berrymore.

• “Legally Blonde” - Heard it was the camera that added five inches to Reese Witherspoon’s chin, only to arrive on set and discover Reese Witherspoon’s jaw adds five inches to her chin.

• “Alex & Emma” - Needed cash, drank his way through it.

• “Legally Blonde 2″ - Took a hundred dollar bet he could kick Ryan Phillippe’s ass, only to arrive on set and realize Phillippe was busy boning strippers.

• “My Super Ex-Girlfriend” - Needed cash, call-girled his way through it.

• “Blonde Ambition” - Quoted as saying, “There is no ass on this planet that John Mayer can tap and I can’t.”

And there you have it, the enigma that is Luke Wilson’s acting career. On the horizon: “Old School 2″ followed up by a buddy comedy with Lance Bass. Get excited.

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