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russell croweThe trailer to “3:10 to Yuma” is currently making it’s rounds. Looks to be another flick in which Russell Crowe plays some version of a badass that simultaneously makes us fear and respect him.

Here are the top 5 Russell Crowe characters that we wouldn’t mess with. Of course, these characters are all imaginary. Russell Crowe on the other hand is not. He may or may not realize the fictional nature of his work. That guy is a unique strain of psychotic.

5) SID 6.7 from “Virtuosity” - The only good thing about this movie is what a psycho SID is. Seeing that this was pretty early in Russell’s career there’s a good chance he had just hopped off the wharf from Australia and the director just told him to act natural.

4) Terry Thorne from “Proof of Life” - Too many people got caught up with the whole Russell boning Meg Ryan aspect of this movie. What were people expecting? He’s Russell Crowe, of course he took it to the house. Take away that aspect and Terry Thorne is a serious bad ass. From not taking shit from South American kidnappers to orchestrating a hardcore retrieval mission, Thorne kicks ass and takes names.

3) Jim Braddock from “Cinderella Man” - Braddock is pretty much Rocky except he lives during the Depression and has an even whinier wife and kids. That’s a lot of pent up aggression. When we got done watching “Cinderella Man” we were under the impression that Braddock went on to single-handily revive America from the Depression, defeat the Nazis, and then drop an atomic bitch slap on the Japanese to put them back in line.

russell crowe 22) Bud White from “L.A. Confidential” - Of all the roles Russell’s done, we really consider this to be the one with zero acting involved. Our theory is that producers just told him America was short on cops and slapped a badge on his chest. Bud White is a fucking bonafide scary rageaholic. He makes Lou Pinella seem stable. Also, we’ve heard from reliable sources Russell has been known to rehabilitate a prostitute or two in his day.

1) Maximus Decimus Meridius from “Gladiator” - We thought about getting cute with #1 and not going with the obvious choice, but who’s kidding who here? Maximus makes those homos from “300″ look like Timberlake’s back-up dancers. Seriously, “Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.” It doesn’t get much cooler and tougher than that.

The best thing about Crowe–outside of his inclination towards the insane–is that he continues to crank out more and more cool and tough roles. It’s like he’s trying to out-awesome himself. With “3:10 to Yuma” and “American Gangster” on the horizon there’s a good chance this top 5 could see some considerable movement over the next six months.

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4 Responses to “Rankings: Top 5 Russell Crowe Characters That Would Kick Your Ass”

  1. SMac Says:

    He also recently narrated a documentary film called, “Bra Boys”. it’s abt 3 brothers that form the core of an Australian surf gang. 1 brother went to jail for lying abt his other brother’s involvement in a murder. and when i say “involvement”, i mean his bro shot a dude and threw him off a cliff. no joke. it was self defense though. or what not. haven’t seen it, but it looks good. check the trailer.

    http://www.braboysfilm.com/

  2. willy-k Says:

    STab wounds are so much cooler then gun shot wounds….. that guy really sounds like a wuss (don’t tell him I said that)

  3. SMac Says:

    Agreed. stab wounds are the toughest.

    shiv-shiv.

  4. NextRound Says:

    SMac, good work on the documentary. We’ll definitely have to check that out.

    You do realize all Australians are descendants from convicts, correct?

    Stab wounds are cooler and tougher than any other wounds.

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