In light of recent news that Broncos’ running back Travis Henry has quite the high sperm count, we’re ranking our top 5 all time list of professional athletes with super sperm. And–of course–by “professional athletes with super sperm”, we mean rich horny guys that plays sports and make bad decisions.

5) Mike Vick - Zero known illegits. OK, ok. We admit it. We’ve actually never heard any reports of Vick having even one, let alone many bastard children. We just felt like it would be difficult to write any sort of article involving football today and not mention Mike Vick.

However, the guy did make up the persona Ron Mexico because he presumably tagged an inordinate amount of women with VD. And that–to us–sounds super sperm worthy.

Vick’s comments on his ranking: “Man, fuck ya’ll. Can’t nobody keep from piling on me lately.”

4) Willis McGahee - 3 illegits with three women. McGahee makes the list due to recency, creativity, and volume of activity in a short time frame. He may only have three documented illegits running around, but two of the moms are school teachers, one of whom was married at the time. We imagine you really have to go out of your way to knock up not one, but two teachers in short period of time. That’s commitment, baby.

McGahee’s comments on his ranking: “You try to find ladies to fertilize up in Buffalo that ain’t school teachers.”

3) Evander Holyfield - Nine illegits with a multitude of women. Evander spent his career marketing himself as Mr. Christianity only to be forced to admit in 1998 to fathering as many as nine (whoops) illegitimate kids. Talk about the ultimate backfire. Evander has since remarried twice. He immediately knocked up both his new brides. He also claims his multiple recent comeback attempts are in no way child support related.

Holyfield’s comments on his ranking: “I’ll let you punch me in the face as hard as you can right now for $100.”

2) Shawn Kemp - Seven illegits with six women (many more rumored). The “Godfather” of Super Sperm received the majority of his dead beat dad notoriety by attempting to make multiple comebacks in the NBA despite being fatter than shit and showing zero interest in the game of basketball. For as long as we can remember, Kemp has been the go-to punchline for anyone slipping multiples past the goalie.

Kemp’s comments on his ranking: “What’s that mean? Does that mean I get a free cheeseburger or some shit?”

1) Travis Henry - Nine illegits with nine women in four states. Boo-yah! While we realize it might be considered  blasphemy by some to knock Shawn Kemp down to #2 on this list, we’re all about keeping things current, and even though Kemp will forever be viewed as the Jordan of this particular field, Henry has done too much too recently and is still too relevant not to steal the #1 ranking. Highlights of Henry’s paternity issues:

• Judge forced Henry to set up a trust after falling far behind on multiple payments and exhibiting “bad judgment in spending habits.”
• Henry recently had to borrow roughly 10k from the Titans (his former team, mind you) in order to avoid jail time for non-payment of child support.
• Florida, Georgia, North Carolina, and Tennessee are states where Henry gets the majority of his groove on.
• Henry’s attorney is on the record as saying, “The guy has significant financial issues.”

Top that, Kemp.

And the best part is you can still draft Travis Henry in your fantasy league and expect a decent return on investment. That is what we call #1 Super Sperm.

Henry’s comments on his ranking: “Man, shit. If ya’ll mother fuckers even knew the shit I’ve got going on in Alabama and South Carolina I’d rank 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.”

[Source: AJC]

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