We spent the majority of last football season pondering what exactly Tony Romo had done in order to achieve an excess of undeserved recognition and success over a relatively short amount of time.

‘Bartered His Soul’ was a an extremely popular theory, but seemed a little played out and contrived for us. ‘Aliens Commandeered His Body’ was also tossed around by many, but his play on the field was never spectacular enough to support it.

Instead–after much deliberation–we decided on the lesser recognized Aladdin Theory to explain Tony Romo’s improbable rise to stardom. The way we look at it, the only logical explanation is that at some point over the last two years Tony Romo stumbled upon a magic lamp and was granted three wishes. The only logical explanation.

Romo’s Three Wishes

1) Become the wildly popular starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys despite my lack of talent, experience, or charisma.

2) Bone Carrie Underwood.

3) Judge the Miss Universe Pageant.

Now, we have to admit we feel that Romo’s wishes could have been a bit more ambitious (although we would love to take a shot at Underwood). The whole Miss Universe thing is especially shady on Romo’s part, but whatever, he found the lamp, not us.

The truly interesting new revelation is that it now appears someone else has stumbled across Romo’s lamp and begun making improbable things happen for himself.

You guessed it, it’s skinny white kid turned A-List actor, Shia LaBeouf. And two wishes in, this dude is shooting for seriously impressive heights.

Shia LaBeouf’s First Two Wishes

1) Become Hollywood action star and get cast in movies such as “Transformers” (where I get to suck face with Megan Fox) AND “Indiana Jones 4″ despite me being 5′6″, 140 lbs., and half Jewish.

2) Give Rihanna the business.

Man, we can only imagine where he’s going with wish #3. Probably something along the lines of invisibility or a three foot dong. Either way, the kid seems to be on the right track, because Shia LaBeouf dating Rihanna is thus far the most mind-numbingly improbable thing we’ve seen in 2007.

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