If you’ve been watching HBO’s “Hard Knocks” featuring the Kansas City Chiefs this preseason, you’re probably sure of two things: 1) The Chiefs are going to suck this year, and 2) You would absolutely pulverize Brodie Croyle’s wife, Kelli Croyle, if given the opportunity.

Kelli is the prototypical Southern belle sorority girl. She epitomizes superficial infatuation for us. She’s the type of chick you would never want to spend any quality time with–primarily because her IQ seems to be at Forrest Gump levels–but whenever you see her on television it’s difficult not to fixate on how much you want to demolish her.

A lot of that could have to do with the fact that she’s married to uber-Alabaman Brodie Croyle, who not only sucks in the NFL, but–contrary to popular belief–also sucked in college.

The scene from “Hard Knocks” where Brodie is packing for training camp and Kelli inquires as to whether he remembered his hunting DVDs is undoubtedly their relationship in a microcosm. Exchanges like that just kind of make you want to kick your own ass for not having the talent, physical tools, or dedication to become a marginal professional quarterback.

Take note though, the big winners from Kelli’s newly acquired C-list celebrity status will be Larry Johnson and Tony Gonzales fantasy owners. Seeing that you will be forced to pay attention to many Chiefs games throughout the season, and they will almost definitely be abysmal, take solace in the fact that there should be a multitude of obligatory Kelli Croyle camera shots from the stands.

And if you’re lucky, we’re talking Kelli interviews, cleavage (nipple slips?), and enough space cadet remarks to make you forget that Herm Edwards’ offensive playbook is about as imaginative as CBS’s new fall line up.

So Kelli, from NFL fans everywhere, thank you for being you.

Update: Just today With Leather posted this link to a photo gallery of Brodie and Kelli’s pre-marriage photos. Highly entertaining/voyeuristic. 

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