NFL Action (real NFL action) starts up tonight with Colts v. Saints, so we decided it would be fitting to touch on Mike Vick one last time and then forget the whole thing ever happened.

Per our internal policy when it comes to over-analyzed, beaten-to-death news stories, we only provide commentary if it’s to 1) discuss a new hard-hitting/mind-blowing angle or 2) haphazzardly sling shit at all the media windbags that won’t let the story die. This time it’s the former.

Here’s the thing on Mike Vick pleading guilty to federal charges: we’re almost 100% certain that if you injected Bobby Petrino with sodium pentothal he would admit to somehow being involved with putting the wheels in motion.

OK, actually, we’re more like 25% certain.

But think about it. What mammal What human being benefits more than any other from Vick no longer playing professional football. Anybody? Anybody?

You guessed it, Bobby “Offense Is Why I Breathe” Petrino.

Let’s say you’re Bobby Petrino and you’re the new head coach of the Atlanta Falcons. If you enter ‘07 with Mike Vick on your roster, you’re looking at:

A) A cancerous superstar quarterback who is in no way accurate or disciplined enough to execute your offensive package.

B) High expectations from fans/ownership/media pundits despite a patchwork defense, a paper mache offensive line, and mismatched skill players for your scheme.

C) Pushing aside of your better judgement and wanting to rebuild the franchise from the ground up.

D) Intense scrutinization of your use of said superstar quarterback.

So what do you do if you’re Petrino? You eliminate the one obstacle in your way: Mike Vick. You make a pay phone call to the Virginia police. Or you anonymously provide some dirt you heard around the locker rooms to the Feds. Or you just encourage Vick’s blatantly retarded business ventures by telling him they are “extremely well thought out” and “very much in the Jay-Z mold.”

Either way, the end result is the same for Petrino. If you enter ‘07 without Mike Vick on your roster, you’re looking at:

A) A quarterback in Joey Harrington that fits well into your offensive package from a physical tools/mentality standpoint.

B) Zero expectations from fans/ownership/media pundits allowing you to go about things your way and receive little blame for a disappointing season.

C) A rock bottom finish paving the way for you to draft the one prodigal quarterback out there you’ve already molded: Louisville’s Brian Brohm.

D) Little to no scrutinization if/when Joey Harrington begins to suck out loud, because Joey Harrington is Joey Harrington.

Can we be certain that Petrino actually took any discernible action that helped expedite the fate of Vick? No, we can’t. But we don’t think there’s any denying that deep down Petrino is probably not too broken up with the outcome.

Besides, from what we’ve gathered Petrino owns two German Shephards and a Lopsa Opsa that have all been spayed or neutered. Chew on that for a moment.

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