The College Football Manifesto

• The suicide rate in the remainder of Michigan is about to catch up with that of the greater Detroit area.

• Lloyd Carr’s best bet at this point is to murder a prostitute and take the spotlight off his coaching ineptitude.

• Spurrier is still kind of awesome.

• Charlie Weis has been too busy practicing smug faces in the mirror to recruit offensive linemen.

• LSU is the tits of the SEC, Georgia and Auburn not so much.

• Randy Shannon should consider letting his players carry guns again.

• Statue of Liberty plays that result in touchdowns should also result in the opposing team’s coach getting t-bagged.

On Notice: East Carolina’s kicker. This soccer playing loser either has a death wish or just flat out wants to tell the gambling community to go fuck themselves.

This NFL Manifesto

• A man-crush epidimic is about to sweep the nation following Sunday’s performances by Adrian Peterson and Calvin Johnson. Stake your claim now or forever be known as an unoriginal douchebag.

• Rex Grossman is still kind of awesome.

• Joey Harrington is still kind of awesome.

• So called “old” receivers picked themselves in their own fantasy leagues and are now telling the competition to suck it.

• NFL pre-game shows still suck. Can’t be long before Ryan Seacrest is hosting one.

• If you thought it was time to sell on Tony Romo, you were sorely mistaken. The son of a bitch just won’t die.

• Tom Brady doesn’t let illegitimate children or satisfying the sexual needs of supermodels get in the way of his quarterbacking.

On Notice: Phil Simms. The dude continually doubted Randy Moss on Sunday only to have Randy shake his dick at him. You brought that on yourself Phil.

The Sports Wagering Manifesto

We have officially dropped Bodog and taken on Sportsbook as NextRound’s online gambling provider of choice (see new banners). Over the last six months Bodog has excelled in crappiness. They have A) lost their domain name, B) implemented new protocols to make it incredibly difficult to move money on their site, and C) taken their sweet ass time updating their lines (particularly totals and low profile games).

All three are pretty much inexcusable offenses in our book so we’ve made a change. You will not run into these issues at Sportsbook.com. Sportsbook’s usability isn’t quite that of Bodog’s, but there is a considerably smaller amount of red tape. We apologize for any inconvenience caused. We’ll buy you a domestic the next time we see you to make up for it. Let us know if you have any questions.

The Britney Spears Manifesto

She was a pudgy zombie last night and we’re bullshit we even paid attention. Someone off her already. And make Sarah Silverman collateral damage while you’re at it.

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