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Holy Crap. We just assumed Wednesday night was going to be an OK night for TV. Guess that’s why Byron Leftwich told us never to assume anything.

We’re banking on a few new shows stepping up and kicking ass, otherwise this night could be abysmal. Asterisks indicate a new show.

8:00 PM

What to watch: Nothing. There really is nothing compelling AT ALL in this hour of television. Especially on the networks. This could be the night you tell yourself you’re going to the gym but instead have a beer and surf for porn.

What’s defensible: “Pushing Daisies”** (ABC). May or may not be a romantic comedy about a guy who can touch people and bring them back to life. Serious potential for super lameness, but with nothing else on we’re willing to give this show one–and only one–shot.

Blacklisted: Everything else on network television. “Kid Nation”** (Is Michael Jackson a producer? Creepy), “Back to You”** (Solid fare for middle aged accountants), “America’s Next Top Model” (Tyra Banks is annoying as shit), and “Deal or Know Deal” (The definition of mind-numbing) round out the rest of this craptastic time slot.

It’s a serious indictment of this website that Howie Mandel hasn’t won PITFF yet.

9:00 PM

What to watch: “Kitchen Nightmares”** (FOX). This show might not work, but we really like the idea of raging Scottish asshole/Master chef Gordon Ramsay visiting failing restaurants across the country and informing the owners/chefs/staff how much they all suck. If you liked “Hell’s Kitchen”, you’ll almost definitely like this.

What’s defensible: “Bionic Woman”** (NBC). We aren’t really digging the whole bionic woman thing, but we’re willing to admit it could be OK. Production value seems above average. NBC is definitely making a run at more sci-fi with the success of “Heroes”. That may or may not backfire.

We’d probably be more down if the bionic chick wasn’t so plain looking. Seems like it wouldn’t have been that difficult for the scientists to include a set of bionic C-cups when suping her up. If we hear the special effects are cool then we may consider some Dual Tivo Action for this one.

What’s also defensible: “Criminal Minds” (CBS). One of the twenty “CSI” clones on CBS. We get the crime drama popularity though and won’t hold anything against you if you watch.

Blacklisted: “Private Practice”** (ABC). A “Grey’s Anatomy” spin-off? Has it come to this? We just threw up in our mouths a little. Too many dudes already get sucked into watching “Grey’s Anatomy” as a compromise show with the wife/girlfriend/hump buddy. Do not get sucked into this one.

10:00 PM

What to watch: “Life”** (NBC). New crime drama about a detective who was wrongly sentenced to life in prison, then released 12 years later. Understandably, he’s a little nuts and has an axe to grind. We like the premise. We also like the pedigree. The lead actor (Damien Lewis) kicked ass in “Band of Brothers”.

What’s defensible: “Dirty, Sexy, Money”** (ABC). Idealistic lawyer partially sells out and becomes head council for a super wealthy and notorious Manhattan family. The title is trying too hard, but if the writing is clever and the show properly explores the eccentricities that come along with undeserved wealth, the show may constitute some Dual Tivo Action.

What’s also defensible: “CSI: New York” (CBS). Another clone.

Side Note: JB once met Gary Sinise on an airplane. Sinise didn’t verbally abuse JB like most celebrities do. So Sinise is cool in our book. Really has nothing to do with the show, just more of an FYI.

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