Our apologies for the delay. Power outage this morning. We blame Al Gore.

The College Football Manifesto

• Tim Tebow officially runs Gainesville. He is now the odds on favorite to close more coed tail than any other home schooled kid in history. Mark it down. Nikki Meyer better be on that kid’s to do list.

• Lloyd Carr’s best only significant coaching move of the last decade was bringing in Russell Crowe to inspire his team. From the looks of it, Charlie Weis used the same tactics and brought in Dane Cook. Results differed. [Jen’s Free Throws]

• BC’s Matt Ryan is a cyborg. The NCAA should consider banning him and his bionic arm from all collegiate competition. But here’s to hoping he’s already parlayed his newly found Heisman contention into closing all kinds of mediocre New England ass.

On Notice: Nick Saban. Sure, Tide fans may be slaughtering animals in the dude’s honor today, but having SEC Poon shut down is as an unforgivable offense as we can imagine. Actually, he’s blacklisted. [Deadspin]

The NFL Manifesto

• Saints fans are more cursed than the Clausen brothers. All offseason they’ve been telling themselves last year wasn’t an emotion-driven flash in the pan. Now they’re sitting at 0-2 and Anthony Anderson stars in the new show about their city. All the blame should fall on Kim Kardashian.

• Chad Johnson has reached a new level of bad assness with his Lambeau Leap in Cleveland (?). Cleveland fans still suck shit though. [FanHouse]

• Speaking of Cleveland, who the hell is Derek Anderson? And what does he have against Brady Quinn? We had planned on this segment being nothing but Brady Quinn jokes today. Derek better be just as big of a homo or we’re going to be seriously disappointed.

• Tom Brady knows he’s Tom Brady.

• Jon Kitna has no fucking clue that he’s Jon Kitna.

On Notice: Larry Johnson. First the holdout, then the shitty rapping, and now a fantasy waste-of-space. There are only two things that can redeem LJ at this point: 1) Grandmama, or 2) Naked pictures of October Gonzalez.

The OJ Manifesto

• OJ Simpson is officially “Mr. Wrong Place/Wrong Time”. First he’s accused of killing people, now he’s accused of armed robbery. Equally ludicrous accusations. We all know all the Juice cares about is scoring touchdowns. [FanHouse]

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