Today we type with heavy fingers. Surefire future StillAwesome HOF inductee, Rex Grossman, has officially been benched by the Chicago Bears. 

For the past year or so we’ve been operating under the false pretense that Rex had cast some sort of magic spell over Lovie Smith. Maybe slipped an elixir into Lovie’s coffee every morning or something. Seemed to be the only explanation for Rex maintaining his starting job. Apparently not.

But seriously, name one starting quarterback EVER that can boast the triple threat of being:

A) Consistently loathed by every member of his city’s fanbase,

B) Mercilessly criticized and berated by the media,

C) A debilitating goon,

AND STILL KEEPING HIS JOB.

The Rex Grossman era in Chicago is unprecedented. Needless to say we’ve been rooting our balls off for Rexy to stay the Bears’ starter just for the sake of sheer comedy. Pan shots of Bears’ fans directly after Rex throws a ball ten yards into the dirt or hits a cornerback square in the numbers have made our Sundays.

So we’re pretty bummed right now. We didn’t see the demotion coming. We figured it was to the point that Rex would have to deflower one of Lovie’s daughters on public access to lose his gig.

All is not lost though. At least Rex is losing his job to renowned alcoholic Brian Griese. Griese may not bring the every down comedy to the table that Rex did, but we can take solace in the fact that we can toss around “tripping over your dog” lines at a pretty aggressive clip to keep ourselves entertained during Bears’ games.

So, Rex, all we have to say is thanks for the good times. Thanks for the funny pictures, the not giving a shit about preparation, physical conditioning, your team, or your career.

Thanks for being the reason every member of the Chicago defense goes home and hate effs their girlfriends. Thanks for forcing blowhard football analyst after blowhard football analyst to discuss a Manning v. Grossman Super Bowl with a straight face. Thanks for driving Brian Urlacher to become a text messaging rageaholic.  Thanks for leaving all your brain cells in Gainesville. And thanks–most of all–for inspiring this video:

This whole article may have been just a solid excuse to repost this work of genius from KSK. If you want to continue to laugh your dick off, go to Kissing Suzy Kolber and search Rex Grossman. It’s worth devoting your entire Friday to.

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