Before I got fired from my job I use to get up at 6:30 AM on Monday mornings. I had to shave. I had to fight traffic. I had to find a place to park. All that sucked.The worst part for me though was the walk from my car to the office. Each step was painful. I imagine it’s the same uncomfortable dismay felt by many a sorority girl every Sunday morning during their walk of shame back to their house or apartment.

Side Note: I never experienced the walk of shame in college. I was always proud of whatever fatty I bagged.

I don’t want to make it sound like it was all terrible; as soon as I got in the office I would make a killer cup of coffee. All our hardcore fans know how good I am at making coffee.

But now my life is different…

Booth’s New Monday Morning

7:00 AM – Sleeping

8:00 AM – Sleeping

9:00 AM – Sleeping

10:00 AM – Sleeping

10:24 AM – (wake up to phone buzzing) Who the hell would call me this early on a Monday? It’s Maske. He’s calling to discuss the most recent developments at NextRound headquarters. I screen him.

11:06 AM – I wake up feeling great. After a long weekend of partying at my alma mater like a 19 year-old with a money fake ID, I need until Monday afternoon to recover. My buddies have been at work for at least three hours. I chuckle to myself and click on Sportscenter.

12:06 PM – After watching Sportscenter in it’s entirety, I call Maske back. The conversation goes something like this:

Me: Hey man, you at work?
Maske: Yeah. You still in bed you lazy bitch?
Me: No, I’m up. What’s going on?
Maske: Couple of things. (Maske then gives me the schedule for the week). So, what are you up to today? Gym, maybe? Search for the day job? Overzealous marketing for the site?
Me: (Laughing) Yeah. Right. All that stuff…

12:17 PM to 1:15 PM – Shower, Get Dressed, Eat McDonald’s.

The Order: 10 piece chicken nugget meal w/ sweat and sour sauce; 1 double cheeseburger; Diet Coke to drink (gotta stay healthy).

1:20 PM – (phone buzzing) It’s Cool & Tough Racing’s contact at Wespoint Thoroughbreds. Our guy informs me that Palace on a Lake will be running this Sunday at Belmont Park.

I become wildly excited. I needed plans this weekend. I immediately pull out the credit card and book a flight to New York City. Another in the line of recent cool events.

One of the many terrific things about being unemployed is the flexibility of your schedule. This is especially true when you have friends who are gainfully employed that you can piggyback. So far during my stint at unemployment my buddies have taken me to Braves Games, Falcons Games, and the Final Round of the FedEx cup via their work connections.

Why do I always get the call? Because I’m always available. If my buddy’s boss gives him Wednesday afternoon Braves tickets, my buddy knows he’ll have someone to go with. This is an unbelievably awesome perk to being unemployed.

2:00 PM – On the couch. One hour long “College Football Live” on Mondays. Tremendous. I love all things College Football. The only disappointing thing is that this show spends so much time on Notre Dame when Notre Dame is terrible and already completely irrelevant this season.

3:00 PM – On the couch. NFL coverage begins. ESPN really knows how to cater to those of us without a steady income stream on Mondays. It’s like the weekend never ended. I get a recap of every NFL game as well as injury reports and more analysis on the Monday Night matchup than I could ever ask for.

5:30 PM – On the couch. PTI. I love Kornheiser and Wilbon.

6:00 PM – Rise from the couch. Need to eat. Hmm…I had McDonald’s for lunch, I am thinking Taco Bell.

The Order: #8 Meal – 3 soft tacos and a Diet Pepsi + 2 additional soft tacos.

7:00 PM – On the couch. (phone buzzing) Maske calls again.

Me: Yo. What’s up, man?
Maske: What have you done all day?
Me: aaaah…
Maske: Did you get any writing done for the site? Did you talk to H-Man? Did you look at any of the early NFL lines?
Me: I watched the recaps from all the games yesterday to get prepared to do the NFL stuff for the week. And I booked a trip to New York this weekend to see Palace race. I plan on doing a big piece for the site on my experiences at Belmont.
Maske: (silent, then hesitant) Well, at least you got something done.

After a couple of months at this I’ve learned how to make sitting on the couch all day sound like working. This is the American Dream. I am very proud of myself.

8:30 PM to Midnight (or later) – I watch every single play of the Monday Night game. In the third quarter, around 11PM, I picture my friends crawling into bed so they can get up early and go to work. Meanwhile, I plan to watch the post-game show.

Why not? What do I have to do tomorrow?

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