Criss Angel frosts his hair, wears an inordinate amount of jewelry for a dude, looks like a Nikki Sixx impersonator, has a new show on NBC premised on finding the next great ”mentalist” (whatever the fuck that is), and has been linked to “famous beauties” (?) Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Cameron Diaz.

And if all the above isn’t enough warrant a punch in the face, Angel’s primary occupation is MAGIC.

He’s a magician. He pulls rabbits out of hats. Houdini is his idol. Siegfried & Roy are his colleagues. David Copperfield pioneered his industry. He’s read every “Harry Potter” book twice and has all the movies on Blue Ray.

Pondering the best way to deliver a blow to Criss Angel’s noggin got us to thinking about just where ’Magic’ ranks amongst respected professions. So we Googled up the Profession Importance Index. Shockingly, ’Magician’ ranks just one rung below the guy working the counter of your local porn shop in level of importance. Ouch.

Moral of the story: Don’t do magic, don’t watch televisions shows prominently featuring magicians in non-ironic capacities, don’t date any of the tramps listed above. Oh, and give the guy at the porn shop a high five next time you’re in there.

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