In case you’re unaware, this year is shaping up to be the fateful “Year of The Masshole”, the year millions of God-fearing Bostonians have been awaiting since birth.

The Patriots are dominate. The Celtics are Eastern Conference favorites (especially after handing out a few preseason pastings), and Boston College is ranked # 3 in the nation. 

But over the next few days it all hangs in the balance. The “YOTM” may be lost forever if the Red Sox go down to the Indians.

You see, The “Year of the Masshole” is a celestial event. A multitude of presumably unrelated events have to fall precisely into place for it to happen, not unlike a solar eclipse or an enjoyable John Travolta movie. And with the Sox staring down 1-3, they are on the cusp of blowing it for every Masshole in existence.

Ironic, huh? The prodigal son of Boston sports might prevent another Super Bowl for the Patriots, a Tom Brady MVP, a NBA Finals appearance for the Celtics, a Kevin Garnett playoffs run, a Paul Pierce revival, Boston College in a BCS game, and a Matt Ryan Heisman.

That’s just how these things work. The Sox lose and you’re almost guaranteed that a deranged Bridget Moynahan will murder Tom Brady in his sleep, that Danny Ainge will trade for Antoine Walker, and that Matt Ryan will get indicted for murdering a prostitute at a bachelor party gone bad.

And the worst part is Manny Ramirez doesn’t seem to give a shit. All that is dear to millions of funny sounding Massholes hangs in the balance and ManRam thinks,  “There’s always next year.”

Doesn’t he realize the stars are aligned?! Doesn’t he know the lives of thousands of guys named Sully depend on this?! Has he not seen the new Stetson ads?! Does he know how fat and lazy Antoine Walker is?! Does he not give a damn about the well-being of hookers?!

All hope is not lost, though. The next few days are crucial for the “YOTM”. So do a favor for all the Massholes in your life: say a prayer and have some chowder.  

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