What Is Irrefutably Lame?
November 1st, 2007 by NextRound
The segment where NextRound passes judgement on what you can get away with and what is irrefutably lame.
REMINDER: We don’t think any of the things are cool, we’re just determining whether they deserve a pass or a gender reassignment consultation.
Is Being a Jesse Palmer Fan Irrefutably Lame?
With former Gator quarterback and–more infamously–former “Bachelor”, Jesse Palmer, becoming a staple on ESPN’s college football coverage, we’ve been hit with quite the quandary.
Because Jesse Palmer is actually good at his job. Sure, outside of the Gameday crew the bar is set pretty low for college football coverage in Bristol, but still, Palmer has at no point encouraged us to bludgeon ourselves, which cannot be said for Lou Holtz and Mark May.
We guess the real question is: are we contractually obligated to dislike any dude who’s starred in “The Bachelor” regardless of their future endeavours?
We think the answer is no. If the guy’s a raging lameass, then sure, dislike him forever. But as far as we’re concerned–solely based on him not sucking on ESPN–Palmer only agreed to do “The Bachelor” so he could 1) get his foot in the network door, 2) run through some strange ass without consequence, and 3) get the fuck away from Tom Coughlin.
So, while we wouldn’t recommend bragging to co-workers that you’re a massive Jesse Palmer fan…
Being a Jesse Palmer fan is not irrefutably lame.
Is Engagement Celibacy Irrefutably Lame?
We’re sure you know or have heard of someone who has participated in engagement celibacy:
en·gage·ment cel·i·ba·cy
[en-geyj-muhnt
sel-uh-buh-see] –noun
1. the act of fiancées refraining from any sexual activity throughout their engagement.
2. early admission that you will never wear the pants in the relationship.
GD, it was difficult to even allow that definition on our website.
For the sake of this analysis we’re going to assume that engagement celibacy also places a ban on fooling around with other people while engaged. If not, our opinion is completely different. But we’re pretty sure testing the STD market months before marriage goes against the spirit of what the creators had in mind.
We just don’t get the point of engagement celibacy. Do people who participate feel better about themselves at the end of the day? You’ve already sentenced yourself to marriage. What’s the need for further punishment? It’s the equivalent of an axe murderer living in a self-constructed cell in his basement a full year before he was arrested. Confusing.
It seems the only thing we can do is aggressively ridicule any dude that agrees to this antiquated practice. We expect you to do the same, because…
Engagement celibacy is irrefutably lame.
