We, the guys who made “Hitman”, are rocking a serious Case of the Mondays.

We spent twice the ad dollars of any movie opening over Thanksgiving and just finished fourth in the box office. Fourth?! Not even in the top three. What the fuck did we do to deserve this?

We got slaughtered by a live action Disney flick about fairy tale time travel starring Patrick Dempsey! You read that right: Dempsey! Fucking Loverboy took us to the woodshed.

And who came in in #2? Not us, that’s for GD sure. Instead–on Thanksgiving weekend, mind you–“Soul Food: Christmas Edition” raked it in. Christmas is over a month away! We’ve got an assassin with a barcode tattooed on his head!

Not to mention we got our asses handed to us by “Beowulf”. How fucking embarrassing. That means a bunch of basement dwelling chronic masturbaters would rather sport public ragers to a digital rendition of Angelina Jolie than see our Hitman spray bullets at bad guys. Talk about disappointment.

And we so thought we did everything right. Based a movie on popular video game. Check. Assassin turned hero. Check. Blew a bunch of shit up. Check. Opened on Thanksgiving against no competition. Che…er, apparently not.

We should have never cast that dude from “Deadwood” as the Hitman. That was a bad idea. We should have gone with an established bald dude. Not that many people can successfully pull off a shaved head. Our Hitman’s head looks like a bruised and misshapen pear. Where the fuck is Vin Diesel when you need him?

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