As always, Beers with Your Friends and Ladies with Low Self Esteem should top your priorities.

Here it is, Your Weekly Prioritizer:

Root Against Teams Playing in Conference Championships

Inevitably, your alma mater shit the bed this season and isn’t playing in your league’s championship game.

Just thinking about these other schools achieving levels of excellence on the field while your school is busy firing your crappy coach in order to hire another guy who is destined to reach or surpass the previous levels of crappiness makes you want to impale someone.

So plan on spending your Saturday rooting for ACL tears, stereotyping fan bases, and praying for STD epidemics to break out across the campuses of the winning teams.

Start Figuring Out Your New Year’s Plans

This is the week you start receiving emails and evites for assorted New Year’s Eve parties where some group wants you to go ahead and pony up 100 bones to lock down your spot for a “super exclusive” bash that only half the city got invited to.

And then you get a call from a buddy to pressure you into committing to one because a chick he’s trying to bang will be there. “Tickets go up to $150 next week! And they may sell out! We gotta make our move!”

Do you do it? Or do you hold out for the bigger, better deal? Is there a bigger, better deal when it comes to NYE parties? Has anyone ever gotten laid at one of these things?

The ACC / Big 10 Challenge

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights this week on ESPN. With the college football season winding down, the Challenge presents a perfect opportunity to refresh yourself on the glory that is college basketball.

You’ll be reminded of such things as: which freshmen are making a name for themselves, who’s coaching who, which players went pro, when to full court press, and how fucking annoying Dick Vitale is.

Find A Way to Watch Packers at Cowboys

Not only is this Thursday night game a surprisingly bad ass matchup, but it’s also a serious coup for Roger Goodell and the NFL Network as they continue their efforts to enrage enough NFL fans into verbally abusing the customer service agent at their cable company.

But that aside, this game is a must watch as it features two of our favorite novelty quarterbacks–Old Man River and the Starlet Panty Dropper–going head to head in a battle for home field advantage.

As an added bonus, we’ve learned that even though Bryant Gumbel himself thought he was an alarmingly atrocious play-by-play man, he’ll still be calling games for the NFL Network. It’s just like having your English Lit professor in the booth. Get excited!

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