After a particularly brutal weekend that delivered more than one kick to the balls, here’s your top 5 Cases of the Mondays:

5. Andy Reid

Two words: A.J.–numbnuts–Feeley.

Well, maybe that’s somewhere between three and four words–depending on how you account for initials–but any way you slice it, that pick-throwing cyborg has Andy Reid wishing he had more quarterbacks like his kids this morning.

Andy’s comments: “What can you say about the guy? He puts the ball where only the defensive back can get it. By the way, didn’t we ship McFeeley off to Miami? How the fuck is he back on my roster?”

4. Drew Brees

Three minutes away from closing in on making the appalling NFC South interesting, Brees and the Saints run a trick play that promptly doesn’t work and just about as promptly loses them the game to a Tampa Bay team that just this week tried to pick up Maurice Clarett off waivers.

Drew’s comments: “This loss has also brought me to the realization that Mario Williams might not have been that bad of a draft choice, that my wife isn’t getting any hotter, and that not getting this birthmark removed when I was seven may have been the wrong decision.”

3. Joe Gibbs

Joe managed to further make a mockery of himself and his legacy with his impersonation of a nursing home resident directly after bumbling his way into a crippling penalty for attempting to ice a kicker twice. Has an NFL coach ever looked this feeble and confused on the sidelines? Mike Tice, maybe?

Joe’s comments: “Don’t panic Redskins fans. Dan Snyder has informed me of some potential offseason moves that will put us right back on top. All it will take is some creative use of our future draft picks.”

2. Missouri Tigers

The Tigers accomplished one of the most impressive falls from grace ever in college football this past weekend, going from #1 overall to playing in the Cotton Bowl and watching Kansas (a team they beat) and Illinois (a team coached by the Zooker) play in BCS games.

Missouri QB Chase Daniel’s comments: “What, you thought might beat Oklahoma? Well, you were fooling yourself. I knew we were done for.”

1. West Virginia, Rich Rodriguez, and Mike Tranghese

Friday night West Virginia was given two options to go to the national championship game.

Option 1: Beat a Dave Wannstedt coached Pitt team. Cake, right? And to make it even more of a slam dunk, you’ll be at home, against a freshman quarterback, with superior coaching, and if things even get a bit hairy, your shady Big East commissioner (Tranghese) will put the fix in with the officiating crew.

Option 2: Get out of bed on Saturday.

Steve Slaton’s comments: “Man, Option 1 seemed pretty mother fuckin’ easy at the time. This is embarrassing.”

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