Look, we don’t watch “Dancing With the Stars”. We promise. We do however keep our ear to the ground when it comes to news regarding hot 19 year old female dancers. Especially when said news involves them possibly banging foreign race car drivers.

The short of it is that this little firecracker is supposedly the reason her “dancing” partner, Brazilian race car driver Hélio Castroneves, recently called off his engagement to what we can only assume is a smoking hot piece of Brazilian ass.

Julianne claims she and the Brazilian are just friends, but from the extensive extremely limited amount of research we’ve done the rumors are true.

We’ve also seen reported rumblings of Julianne dating “Entourage” star midget Kevin Connelly. This we are certain is untrue. In our version Julianne saw Kevin walking alone in a department store, confused him for a middle schooler, walked him to the nearest security guard, and gave him a stern warning about wandering away from his parents.

Julianne’s Hump Day Vitals

Age: Really Fucking Young. Born in 1988 (Wow). By our math that makes her 19. Just old enough that you don’t feel super creepy, just young enough that she still has to rely on you to buy her beer.

Height: Tall enough to make Kevin Connelly look foolish (est. 5′3″).

Front Court: Undersized but effective.

Back Court: An accomplishment only achieved by dancing nine hours a day in high heels.

Imperfection We Have No Problem Pointing Out: Needs to be dolled up and scantily clad on network television, a little underwhelming in street clothes.

Julianne’s Hump Day Bio

Best Known For: Dancing, baby. Dancing.

What You Didn’t Know: She also thinks she’s a country singer. She even has a track on iTunes that almost certainly blows. Her album debuts in ‘08. Pre-order now!

Fun Facts: Born in Utah. Translated: She’s a Mormon. Further translated: She’s two cosmos away from being the freakiest chick you ever met.

Estimated Number of Dudes She’s Been Invaded By: 3

Douchiest of Said Dudes: Connelly, hands down. But the Mormon dude she was engaged to and peaced is probably not an all-star.

Number of Drinks We’d Have to Buy Her to Take Her to Poundtown: 2. We know how to operate around chicks from Utah. Believe it.

Estimated Success Rate of NR Readers: Moderate. Most of you bastards are either too ugly or too cheap to pony up for the cosmos.

Potential for Prudiness: High after dance practice. Low after you spike her cranberry juice and tell her you love her.

Psycho Potential: Devastatingly high. Has spent her entire life in a dance studio and her dad is probably married to three women. You do the math.

Probability for Disease: Low. Utah is one of our nation’s most disease friendly states.

Geographic “1-10″ Score: Julianne is a Salt Lake “9″, a Phoenix “7″, and a Cleveland “45″.

Happy Hump Day! Click here to check out previous Hump Day articles.

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