Punch In The Face Friday: Brody Jenner
December 7th, 2007 by NextRound
Since no one has jumped onto our radar this week begging for a fist to the cranium, we decided to go to “the vault” of people we think suck and deliver a well-deserved punch in the face to Brody Jenner.
If we had to distill our dislike of this dude down to one specific thing it would be that we know who he is. There’s abso-fucking-lutely no reason we should be aware of Brody Jenner’s existence, except maybe to know that Bruce Jenner is capable of procreation. Even that’s a bit of stretch.
But the hell if we don’t inevitably see this guy and his douchey rich kid friends on the TV every time we visit one of the chicks we’re dating pretending we don’t cheat on.
Jenner is apparently the Steve Buscemi of youth-ruining reality television: the guy just shows up in everything. He must have some super spider sense that alerts him whenever an MTV camera is filming within a 100 mile radius.
Brody Jenner’s PITFF Qualifications
Famous For: You guessed it, being a reality TV whore. His own crappy show was canceled, so now he maintains D-list relevance by squatting on other MTV shows.
Why That Sucks: Because somehow this dude has parlayed prostituting himself on unwatchable television to getting paid to go drink at bars where dumb chicks in tube tops think he’s famous.
Chicks He’s Banged That Make Us Angry: The “Laguna Beach” duo of Lauren Conrad and Kristin Cavallari. Conrad’s only like an L.A. “6″, but whatever, we’d take it the house. And Cavallari is–well, you know–begging to get excavated.
Chicks He’s Banged That Make Us Feel Better About Ourselves: Nicole Richie. Geezus, that is gross. GROSS in all caps. We wouldn’t touch her with Travis Henry’s dick. Hopefully Brody at least got Lionel to autograph his first edition copy of “Dancing on the Ceiling”.
Fun Facts: Brody’s dad, Olympic Athlete Bruce Jenner, is a male gold-digger who has turned a 1976 gold medal into somewhere around ten marriages with rich Beverly Hills divorcees. The end result is Brody being inadvertently related to failed porn star, Kim Kardashian.
The Gayest Thing We’ve Ever Seen: This birthday invite. (We were going to post the picture here, but couldn’t bear to have it’s gayness infiltrate our website.)
Another Reason To Deliver a Kick to the Balls: The guy’s Wikipedia introduction reads, “Jenner is an American reality television celebrity and model.” We’re officially changing our business titles to “website operators/professional models”.
If Our Haymaker Missed, We Hope It Hits: That douchebag Spencer. That guy is in serious contention for the worst person on earth. He’ll probably be the first honoree once we start up our new “Decapatation Saturday” segment.
“Punch in the Face Friday” is NextRound’s weekly exposé on shitty people. Click here to check out previous editions.
Week 6 Picks:
Top 5 Entering Week 5:
December 7th, 2007 at 5:53 pm
I’d rather force a toothpick in my pisser than see that invite again
December 9th, 2007 at 8:31 am
This dude is definatly about as cool as AIDS. And that’s pushing it. I can’t wait to see this douche on “I love new York 3, the ill do anything to be on TV edition.