Hump Day: Carmella DeCesare
December 12th, 2007 by NextRound
You may know Carmella DeCesare as 2004’s Playmate of Year (NSFW), an ex-WWE fluffer diva, or the chick who proved once and for all that Jeff Garcia is straight (maybe).
But regardless of how you may know her, you undoubtedly want to bone her (unless, maybe, you’re the quarterback of the Bucs).
Just the other day Carmella was named Coed Magazine’s Sexiest Wife of an Athlete. Whatever the hell that’s worth to you. But it makes her just relevant enough for Hump Day.
Carmella’s Hump Day Vitals
Age: 25. WAY to young and hot to bang a balding Jeff Garcia.
Hometown: Avon Lake, Ohio. Just close enough to Cleveland that the suckiness rubs off.
Front Court: Upgraded in 2005. Now closing in on perfection.
Back Court: Playmate of the Year quality, akin to the hottest stripper you’ve ever seen.
Imperfection We Have No Problem Pointing Out: Probably had sex with an 85-year old bag of bones.
Carmella’s Hump Day Bio
Best Known For: Looking hot naked. Inciting record levels of masturbation in WWE fans. Serving as a more than suitable beard for Jeff Garcia.
What You Didn’t Know: She was arrested in 2005 for getting into a catfight in a bar with a chick that Jeff Garcia (supposedly) had an affair with. Yeah, read that again. No man in the history of homosexuality has taken further measures to prove their straightness than Jeff Garcia.
Fun Facts: Appeared on “Family Fued” and “Street Smarts”, where she was shockingly revealed to be of below average intelligence. Also, currently knocked up.
When Asked Whether He’d Impregnated His Wife: Jeff Garcia responded, “Icky!”
Estimated Number of Dudes She’s Been Invaded By: 43
Most Repulsive of Said Dudes: Hef, hands down.
Number of Drinks We’d Have to Buy Her to Take Her to Poundtown: 5 drinks. All for Garcia. He likes to watch.
Estimated Success Rate of NR Readers: Slim. Most of you dudes are more suited for chicks featured in Cherry than Playboy.
Potential for Prudiness: Low. You don’t become Playmate of the Year by keeping your pants on.
Psycho Potential: High. Blatant daddy issues. Fought another chick in a bar over Jeff fucking Garcia. A Bucs’ fan.
Probability for Disease: Moderate. Pin-up model with a high probability of stripping experience. But they test at Playboy.
Geographic “1-10″ Score: Carmella is a Tampa “10″, a L.A. “9.5″, and a Cleveland “1,000″.
Week 13 Picks:
Week 12 Picks:
December 12th, 2007 at 11:14 am
she looks just like my wife…. only because I close my eyes and think of her while having “relations” with my wife. (it keeps the honeymoon going)
December 13th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
Ehhhh…I had her.
She was hot.
I was great.
September 23rd, 2008 at 5:13 pm
[…] 2007, Jeff Garcia married the 2004 Playmate of the Year, Carmella Decesare. And since 2007 we’ve repeatedly asked ourselves, “How the fuck is Jeff Garcia married to […]