As always, Beers with Your Friends and Ladies with Low Self Esteem should top your priorities.

Start Formulating Excuses To…

Get you out of conversations with boring relatives. Holiday chit chat with people you have nothing in common with but are forced to speak to can become incredibly brutal if you don’t have an out.

Be original, though. You can only claim you have crippling diarrhea so many times before people get suspicious. Our personal favorite is setting our cell phone alarm to vibrate every fifteen minutes and taking “a very important phone call.”

Be the Last Person on Earth To Go See…

“I Am Legend”. Geezus, this movie made a lot of money. We think Will Smith is an OK dude, but apparently the rest of the nation has a serious boner for the guy.

Or maybe Will got his new buddy Tom Cruise to cast a Scientology spell over America. That can’t be right though. Because if Tom Cruise had secret powers, then wouldn’t more people go see his movies? And would anyone ever decline a “free stress test”?

Try To Score a Ticket To…

Jeremy Shockey’s NYE party. Where pretty ladies are paid to get drunk and stand around. If you can’t pull that off just run your own Craig’s List ad claiming your party is Jeremy Shockey’s.

Either way, Shockey sure does pull a lot of ass for a guy with a broken leg and a bald eagle tattoo.

Email…

That one slutty chick from high school you still keep in touch with to let her know you’ll be home from the holidays. Make sure you add that you’ll be real busy so you doubt you’ll have time to see her. It always pays to lay the groundwork for a solid back up plan.

Debate With Your Friends…

Over whether Amanda Beard is hot or not. We hear a lot of differing opinions on the issue and it’s time for a majority to prevail.

Talk Your One Really Athletic Buddy Into…

Trying out for an NFL team in the spring. With a bunch of D-1 scrubs like Shaun Hill, Cleo Lemon, Trent Edwards, Matt Moore, Chris Redman, and Todd Collins playing QB this weekend, your boy has like a 50/50 shot of making a roster. If he doesn’t bite, see if you kind find someone interested in coaching the Falcons.

Call Every Bama Fan You Know…

And get them worked up over Nick Saban. The Saban to West Virginia rumors are undeniably awesome, even if completely baseless.

Find Some Time To Watch…

“Christmas Vacation”. A must during the holidays. As far as we’re concerned, Chevy Chase’s retirement began after this movie.

Email This