In case you’re unfamiliar with Alexandra Paressant, she’s the French/Italian model that has recently made headlines for claiming she had an affair with Tony Parker just months after his marriage. She even claims that she met Tony at his wedding! Oh snap!

Of course, Tony and Eva Longoria have completely denied the allegations. BUT, that hasn’t kept Alexandra from revealing these–WAIT FOR IT–incriminating camera phone photos!

Seriously, who gives a shit? If Tony Parker gets to bang all these hot chicks because he’s rich and plays professional basketball then so be it. It doesn’t bother us. We run a website and drive SUVs built in the 90’s. We get our fair share of the tang, believe us.

All we really care to know about this situation is A) that Tony Parker is a mayo guzzling Frenchie, B) that Eva Longoria is a “skinny little elf” as JB so eloquently put it, and C) that we only like our French people one way: When they are half Italian and look like Alexandra Paressant. Holy shit this chick is a fucking biscuit.

On second thought, if Tony Parker did actually take it to the house, we may be forced to fly to San Antonio and decapitate him with a D battery during timeout of a Spurs game.

Alexandra’s Hump Day Vitals

Age: 26. Not a kid, not an old lady. Just the way we like it.

Hometown: Paris, France. Home of the Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, and people in tight pants.

Front Court: That glorious Gisele-like model front court. You know, where perky meets solid cleavage.

Back Court: Above average for a runway model. That’s a good thing.

Imperfection We Have No Problem Pointing Out: French DNA.

Alexandra’s Hump Day Bio

Best Known For: Looking hot, clothed and naked. “Probably” “Supposedly” banging Tony Parker. Dating Brazilian soccer star Ronaldinho. Having a thing for ugly dudes.

What You Didn’t Know: Alexandra not only dated Ronaldinho, but also was sued by him in 2006 for telling the press he’d sneak out of his hotel room during the World Cup to bone her. That’s right, she’s not only purdy, she’s also classy.

Fun Facts (Courtesy of Her MySpace Page): Alexandra is a Cancer, liked “Ocean’s 12″, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink (cough, bullshit), is a college graduate (of model college), and makes between 100K and 150K a year. This is when MySpace is AWESOME!

Estimated Number of Dudes She’s Been Invaded By: 24.

Most Repulsive of Said Dudes: Ronaldinho. We are devastatingly straight and don’t usually pass judgment on the attractiveness of other dudes, but that fucker is ugly. He looks like an extra from “Temple of Doom”.

Number of Drinks We’d Have to Buy Her to Take Her to Poundtown: 15. She doesn’t drink our ass. We’ll see what happens when she finds out we play for the Vancouver Canucks.

Estimated Success Rate of NR Readers: Moderate. Most of you dudes are rich and handsome famous enough to bag French models, right?

Potential for Prudiness: Low. In our experience, chicks that brag about banging famous dudes are usually ready to get down (as long as they think you’re famous).

Psycho Potential: Super High. She’s a model, she’s a Euro, and she has now twice gone to the media claiming to have had sex with foreign athletes. Yowza.

Probability for Disease: Mid-High range. Euros often mistake condoms for party balloons. Most of her relatives don’t use deodorant.

Geographic “1-10″ Score: Alexandra is a Paris “9″, a San Antonio “9.5″, and an Indianapolis “24″.

Happy Hump Day!

“Hump Day” is NextRound’s weekly segment featuring pretty ladies you should get to know. Click here to check out previous editions.

Email This