Since Bobby Petrino has bolted for the virtual paradise that is Fayettville, Arkansas and Falcons GM Rich McKay is about to be shown the door, the colossal mess that is Falcons is left to be cleaned up by Atlanta Falcons owner and mustache aficionado, Arthur Blank.

Blank has three options when it comes to fixing his football team: Two Conventional Approaches and Booth’s Approach.

Conventional Approach #1: Veteran NFL Coach & Free Agent QB

Here’s the list of 2008 free agent NFL quarterbacks that are worth half a shit:

• Derek Anderson (Browns) - This is the list. That’s it. Anderson is a restricted free agent, and after the season he’s had I’m pretty confident the Browns will re-sign him rather than roll the dice on the BQ era in Cleveland.

Here’s a list of free agent NFL quarterbacks who could be the Falcons’ next Joey Harrington:

• Rex Grossman (Bears)
• Daunte Culpepper (Raiders)
• Josh McCown (Raiders)
• Drew Henson (Vikings)
• Cleo Lemon (Dolphins)

Here’s the one guy who is undeniably awesome:

• Jared Lorenzen (Giants) - aka “The Pillsbury Throwboy”, aka “Battleship Lorenzen”, aka “J Load”, aka “The Round Mound of Quarterback”. Lorenzen is the former Kentucky Wildcats starting. The Giants drafted him the same year they drafted Eli Manning, and he’s been the backup QB in New York ever since. He weighs roughly 300 lbs. and you never know what he is going to try next when he plays. Falcons’ attendance and TV ratings would skyrocket with J. Load behind center.

As you can see the free agent pickings are pretty slim in terms of quarterbacks this offseason so the Falcons will most likely will go with Approach #2.

Conventional Approach #2: Veteran NFL Coach & Draft QB With #1 Pick

The three highly rated quarterbacks in this year’s draft will be Brian Brohm (Louisville), Andre Woodson (Kentucky), and Matt Ryan (Boston College). I highly doubt the Falcons will consider taking Brohm due to the Petrino connection.

I personally would take Matt Ryan over Andre Woodson. I just have a gut feeling Woodson is going to be a bust. That and I’m a little bit racist.

So, conventional wisdom says draft Matt Ryan and go after a coach who has NFL experience and has taken a team to the playoffs (i.e. Steve Mariucci, Bill Cowher, Mike Tice, Bill Parcells*, Dennis Green, etc.)

If the Falcons go with the conventional wisdom they will be rebuilding for a long time, at least 4 seasons. I think conventional wisdom sucks donkey balls. Conventional wisdom leaves you mired in mediocrity. Conventional wisdom leads to boring, conservative results.

That’s why I think the Falcons should go with Approach #3, the Booth Approach.

The Booth Approach: June Jones & Colt Brennan

June Jones (Hawaii Head Coach) coached the Atlanta Falcons before landing in Hawaii. He is one of the architect’s of the Run & Shoot Offense. He ran this offense in the NFL with relative success.

Colt Brennan (Hawaii QB) is the most accurate quarterback in college football. Accuracy is the most important/most underrated attribute in evaluating a quarterback ( I stole that line verbatim from Ron Jaworski’s Vikings/Bears MNF broadcast).

Alright, so before the comment trolls start telling me what a raging retard/virgin I am for even suggesting this move, let me take a moment to explain my reasoning.

1. The Falcons will play a minimum of 9 games in domes every season (8 home games and 1 game in New Orleans).

2. The Falcons have no offensive line to speak of. With the Run & Shoot Offense Brennan will be in the shotgun every play and he’ll get rid of the ball quickly.

3. Alge Crumpler. Crumpler is an outstanding receiving TE. For the Run & Shoot Offense to work in the NFL you need a slot receiver who can catch the ball in the middle of the field and pick up the tough 3rd down conversions.

4. Warrick Dunn. For the Run & Shoot Offense to work in the NFL you also need a running back who can pick up the blitz, catch the ball out of the backfield, and run the draw play. These are Dunn’s remaining strengths.

5. The gimmick factor. It is always difficult to prepare for a team with an unusual offense. Defenses are built to stop conventional offenses, so there are inherent mismatches created simply by running this style.

The New England Patriots are 14-0 this season throwing the ball on almost every down. The conventional wisdom that you have to be able to run the ball to win in the NFL is simply not true. If the Falcons go with my approach, they could go into next season already being competitive.

*Side Note: Looks like Arthur Blank has already locked up Bill Parcells to be his next GM, maybe coach, so the Booth Approach is most likely out the window. At least we can all sleep at night knowing MY Atlanta Falcons would have been AWESOME.

Previous “Wicked Case of Turf Toe”:

• Fixing Mid-Major Bowl Tie-Ins
• The Big 10 Should Be a Mid-Major 

“Wicked Case of Turf Toe” is Booth’s weekly column dedicated to passing judgment on the world of sports.

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