Unlike pretty much every other year of our existence, we’ve decided we’re not going to half ass 2008. With that in mind, we couldn’t think of a better way to kick of the new year than to honor our long standing site mascot–a lovely lady who has never officially earned Hump Day honors–Tara Conner.

Here’s what you need to know about Tara since the last time we updated you: 1) Still hot in a way only Slutty Miss USA can be, 2) Still ingrained with white trash DNA as evidenced by her recent “Pageant Place” and WWE appearances, and 3) Still using the “controversy” of her doing drugs and being a hooker while she was reining Miss USA to maintain any shred of relevance, the most recent attempt is writing a tell-all memoir.

If there’s a book signing, we’ll be there.

Tara’s Hump Day Vitals

Age: 22. A lot fucking younger than we thought. Hard living will do that to someone. Plastic surgery definitely in her future.

Hometown: Born in Dallas. Raised in Russell Springs, Kentucky, where there’s not much to do outside of competing in pageants and educating yourself in the art of bad decision making.

Front Court: Money. Miss USA style. None of that all natural Miss America bullshit. Straight silicone, baby.

Back Court: No commentary needed.

Imperfection We Have No Problem Pointing Out: Overwhelming white trashiness. Considered a positive by many.

Tara’s Hump Day Bio

Best Known For: Winning pageants that require no talent. Sobbing like a mental patient in press conferences. Turning tricks for coke.

What You Didn’t Know: Former Miss Teen USA, Katie Blair, is the one who ratted out Tara for her drug/alcohol abuse and general sluttiness. Miss Teen USAs were always boring prudes.

Crappy Gigs Tara’s Taken To Maintain Semblance of Fame: “Pageant Place”, “Wrestlemania 23″, “Last Call with Carson Daly”, Spike TV’s “Guys’ Choice Awards”, “Deal or No Deal”. (Courtesy of her IMDb page)

Fun Facts: Tara has a proclivity to make out with other chicks. If you had been lucky enough to meet her in a NYC nightclub in 2006 you probably would have been taken to Poundtown. She was Donald Trump’s ringside “attendant” in the “Wrestlemania 23″ Hair Match between Donald and Vince McMahon; Spielberg has been ringing her phone off the hook ever since.

Estimated Number of Dudes She’s Been Invaded By: 38.

Most Repulsive of Said Dudes: Since Tara is presumably more of a fan of the one night stand than the relationship, we’re lacking specifics on any of the guys she’s hooked up with. We’re willing to bet any greaser she took home from a club in New York will work for this category.

Number of Drinks We’d Have to Buy Her to Take Her to Poundtown: An eight ball would more likely do the trick.

Potential for Prudiness: Low. A nickname like Slutty Miss USA doesn’t make itself up.

Psycho Potential: High. The crying. The blatant need for attention. Probability of daddy issues. Involvement with Trump. General white-trashiness.

Potential for Porn Career: Medium high. Everyone keep your fingers crossed. She’s only 22. More than ample time for new bad decisions and a dried up bank account.

Probability for Disease: Medium. See 2006 nightclub excursions.

Geographic “1-10″ Score: Tara is a Kentucky “11″, a Dallas “9.5″, and a Wrestlemania “9″.

Happy Hump Day and Happy New Year!

“Hump Day” is NextRound’s weekly segment featuring pretty ladies you should get to know. Click here to check out previous editions.

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