As always, Beers with Your Friends and Ladies with Low Self Esteem should top your priorities.

Give Up On…

Your New Year’s Resolution.

Because who’s kidding who? You were never going to quit smoking or go to the gym more or finally kick that nasty chronic masturbation habit.

You made a valiant effort. Time to move on with 2008.

Have The…

“How fucking crazy is Britney?” discussion with your friends. It’s inevitable. The loon is just getting too much coverage. From CNN to gossip blogs, it’s impossible for her and her Susan Smith antics not to become a topic of conversation over a round of beers.

Opinions should vary from “She may be bi-polar” to “She should be euthanized for the sake of society” to “I can’t believe I once said I’d go down on her, no questions asked”.

Figure Out…

If there is anything remotely watchable on television. The entire world pretty much agrees that the new “American Gladiators” sucks donkey balls, so there’s one out of the way. That leaves roughly fifty new shitty reality shows to sift through before finding the one that ranks ahead of reading. Good luck.

Our suggestions for maintaining TV sanity over the next six months are the new season of “The Wire” and DVD binging on just about any cable show that regularly drops the “F” bomb.

Decide Whether or Not…

You’re rooting for Eli Manning.

Clueless facial expressions aside, you have to give the the dude a little credit. He spent all of last week being called a fraud by anyone who’s ever seen one of Peyton’s Mastercard commercials, then came out with a more than admirable effort against the Barber Twins Tampa Bay, and now is gearing up to take on everyone’s favorite boner of female celebs, Tony Romo, in a meaningful playoff game.

This is pretty much as endearing as Eli is ever going to get outside of old family photos. The question is can you resist rooting for the mopey bastard?

Email This